things to yell at a car after it almost kills you

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Postby florida man's old roommate » Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:28 am

:lol: this thread is wonderful
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Postby corsica » Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:39 am

I almost got smooshed by a car the other night and my response was to do the jaguar fan gif toward the driver
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Postby Gussie Fink-Nottle » Wed Nov 29, 2017 6:17 am

People will sometimes go absolutely apeshit in a car if you hold them up or somehow break their invulnerable bubble feeling so I have to be careful. One guy tried to bump me against a bus after I gave him the finger when he was blipping his horn at me; he had his daughter who was maybe 9 years old in the front seat next to him. Another guy pulled a U turn and tried to chase me down (I escaped through a pedestrian tunnel into a housing estate) after he saw on his rear view mirror I gave him the finger when he kept pushing to get round me even though I was signalling to turn. Maybe people just really hate gestures and I should switch to yelling shit?
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Postby aububs » Wed Nov 29, 2017 7:46 am

thanks, I love that
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Postby shred igniter » Wed Nov 29, 2017 3:12 pm

working on a sustained, guttural scream for these situations
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Postby fresco painter » Fri Dec 01, 2017 4:34 pm

that gy!be monologue/slowly
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Postby joe » Fri Dec 01, 2017 8:54 pm

some truck overtook me at like 40mph when i was 20 feet away from a stopsign going decently fast on a 1.5 car wide neighborhood road and for some reason i yelled "there's two lanes!"
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Postby Annie May » Fri Dec 01, 2017 9:10 pm

sorta related, when I'm on my bike i like to yell 'lights!' at the dummies who are driving without their lights on at night. The other day i did that and the person flicked their brights in thanks, it was a feelgood interaction for sure
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Postby big zorb » Fri Dec 01, 2017 10:23 pm

Annie May wrote:sorta related, when I'm on my bike i like to yell 'lights!' at the dummies who are driving without their lights on at night. The other day i did that and the person flicked their brights in thanks, it was a feelgood interaction for sure


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Postby easy » Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:14 pm

I two-hand slapped a moving car last week as it blew through a zebra-striped crosswalk while I was 65% of the way through it. it was inches away from hitting me.

as it approached, I saw the woman behind the wheel holding her giant-ass iphone above the steering wheel/dashboard. like, not off to the side or in her lap, but right in her direct field of vision beneath the windshield. her arm couldn't have been more stretched-out. it was like watching someone pose for a stock photo of "bad driver on phone."

so I slapped the shit out of her car as it grazed me and it was like 9° so it really hurt my hands. she slammed on her brakes about 30 yards down the road and then proceeded to drive away at like 15mph, carefully stopping for every subsequent crosswalk along the way.
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Postby fakename » Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:30 pm

I'm gonna start giving a thumbs down instead of flipping the bird.

I'll report back.
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Postby noiseandpop » Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:56 pm

I almost got destroyed by a bus not long back. a guy immediately asked me if I was okay and instead of emitting a laid-back 'eh I'm fine' I let out some weird 'WEHHHH' sound and walked away.

would not recommend.
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Postby Brain Stew » Mon Dec 18, 2017 5:09 pm

I don't ride a bike, but cars are just vicious to pedestrians here. Drivers make the same mistakes so often it drives me nuts.

My biggest complaint is that when there is a lineup of traffic, people will instantly go after the person in front of them at a stop. It's like they believe there is an earned time credit for having been stopped in a line, so they don't need to stop again.

One time I yelled at a guy, and he just shut back, "Don't worry, no one is going to hit you, weirdo!" That one hurt for a while.
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Postby big zorb » Thu Oct 18, 2018 12:18 pm

a bus almost ran me over yesterday and i did a "eeeeeeEEEEEURGH HEY NOW!!!"
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Postby bro tones » Thu Oct 18, 2018 12:21 pm

saw a van almost hit a woman pushing a stroller in soho and screamed, "SHES GOT A FUCKING BABY" which, in retrospect, seemed a little vulgar.
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Postby tricksforchips » Thu Oct 18, 2018 12:25 pm

big zorb wrote:a bus almost ran me over yesterday and i did a "eeeeeeEEEEEURGH HEY NOW!!!"

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Postby southpaw » Thu Oct 18, 2018 12:36 pm

I'm so bad about this

There's a bridge to get into my side of town that has no bike lane so you gotta hit the "bikes on bridge" button which flashes a light to indicate you're there. Then you've gotta decide whether or not you're gonna take the whole lane and deal with the honks and shouts, or stay wide right and hope for the best as cars pass you by inches.

Did the latter yesterday and about had my head removed by a F350 side mirror. Of course the car eventually stopped right ahead of me so in a fit of rage I rode right up and slapped the dudes passenger door as hard as I could.

He followed me home and started screaming insane shit, but quieted down once he saw the blinking red light of my go pro. As he turned again I thought I was clear but before you know it he's heading back towards me going the other way. I just screamed RUN ME DOWN, JUST DO IT! YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT!" in a psychotic caterwaul.

Of couese there was an old couple sittlng there watching, ghastly faced with their jaws hanging on the ground. Not my proudest moment.
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Postby a-10 warthog champion » Thu Oct 18, 2018 1:41 pm

southpaw wrote:I'm so bad about this

There's a bridge to get into my side of town that has no bike lane so you gotta hit the "bikes on bridge" button which flashes a light to indicate you're there. Then you've gotta decide whether or not you're gonna take the whole lane and deal with the honks and shouts, or stay wide right and hope for the best as cars pass you by inches.

Did the latter yesterday and about had my head removed by a F350 side mirror. Of course the car eventually stopped right ahead of me so in a fit of rage I rode right up and slapped the dudes passenger door as hard as I could.

He followed me home and started screaming insane shit, but quieted down once he saw the blinking red light of my go pro. As he turned again I thought I was clear but before you know it he's heading back towards me going the other way. I just screamed RUN ME DOWN, JUST DO IT! YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT!" in a psychotic caterwaul.

Of couese there was an old couple sittlng there watching, ghastly faced with their jaws hanging on the ground. Not my proudest moment.



feel you on this

always hit cars that almost hit you imo

you gotta live with that feeling all night, they may as well have to rage about their totally-fine care or truck or whatever
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Postby shizaam » Thu Oct 18, 2018 2:31 pm

was riding down a one-way street that was pretty wide to get to a bike lane like a quarter mile away, and a dude in a huge black SUV was just pacing right behind me. nobody else around for a few hundred feet. he slammed on the gas and missed me by inches maybe. screamed "what the fuck," he slowed, rolled his window down and with the shittiest smirk was like "hey mannnnn, watch out this road is for cars." fuck offfffff
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Postby nautical hyperblast » Thu Oct 18, 2018 2:33 pm

"you missed!"
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Postby big zorb » Tue Jun 18, 2019 8:40 pm

this morning i was at the intersection of an interstate exchange off-ramp and a fairly busy avenue here. i had the light and stepped off the curb and a car ripped through the intersection off the ramp and onto the avenue at a speed which definitely would have killed me and was VERY close to my body. on instinct i busted out a very loud ric flair "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and was trying to sort out in my brain how i had nearly just died when the guy idling in the truck on the avenue rolled down his window and in a very thick and syrupy rural american accent said, "she almost got yew, boyyyyyy" and then rolled his window back up.
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Postby mcwop23 » Tue Jun 18, 2019 8:44 pm

i had the green light the other day and was proceeding and a dude just jumped in front of me like right after the light changed crossing against the light and i honked at him and he came up to me to hit my car because he was drunk and i rolled my window down to just be like “hey man just be careful!”
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Postby virile » Tue Jun 18, 2019 8:49 pm

i have now acquired the habit of assaulting vehicles. first time was like a year ago when i was carrying some big stupid amazon boxes back to my house from the post office and some dumb dick coming out of a parking lot clipped me in the leg (going slow like accelerating out of a parking lot obvisously) i flipped them off and kicked their door three times and they drove away looking very embarrassed.

and then last week i was walking to work and they're doing like a big construction/street fix-up downtown and this car got as far as he could go before the detour but wasn't really paying attention and just rolled into the pedestrian walkway on a red and barely missed hitting like 4 different people. i kicked the tire and driver door twice and glared so hard while flipping the bird. i didn't see anyone else assault the car but a few other people were flipping them off too. very satisfying.

normally i'd feel bad for doing that to somebody's car but in these instances i felt nothing but pure good.
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Postby seafoam » Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:25 pm

I love my friend, he’s been in insurance most of his professional life, he drives cautiously undeterred by the morons and honkers and fast breakers, he’s has seen badness, dealt with ransoms stuff, he still hates driving in the city though
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Postby Bartatua » Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:43 pm

big zorb wrote:this morning i was at the intersection of an interstate exchange off-ramp and a fairly busy avenue here. i had the light and stepped off the curb and a car ripped through the intersection off the ramp and onto the avenue at a speed which definitely would have killed me and was VERY close to my body. on instinct i busted out a very loud ric flair "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and was trying to sort out in my brain how i had nearly just died when the guy idling in the truck on the avenue rolled down his window and in a very thick and syrupy rural american accent said, "she almost got yew, boyyyyyy" and then rolled his window back up.


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Postby Metoprolol » Tue Apr 26, 2022 5:27 pm

I love this thread, and I hope no boarders have been wiped out in the last few years.

I never started carrying a bowling ball in a bag for this purpose, but I've gotten pretty good at pantomiming and yelling just how bad their infraction was. But I did accidentally yell "I'm gonna fuck your insurance!" a little while ago, which was ambiguous at best.
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Postby shizaam » Tue Apr 26, 2022 5:49 pm

this weekend some dude cut in front of 7 - 8 cars at a light by just hauling ass into a two way protected bike lane (that I was in) and then slamming to a stop. Classic “what the fuck”, weaved around him, and he started wailing on his horn and followed me through a red light and intersection, and the only reason it didn’t get worse was because I pulled into a park
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Postby big zorb » Sun Aug 07, 2022 9:25 pm

Bump for vermillion to get some additional ideas
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Postby ~*courteous sage*~ » Sun Aug 07, 2022 9:29 pm

ooh
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Postby ~*courteous sage*~ » Sun Aug 07, 2022 9:30 pm

haven't read the thread yet but has anyone suggested "EYYY GO FUCK YA MUDDA"
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