random posts that you still remember

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in

Postby mcwop23 » Tue Apr 17, 2018 1:54 pm

holy shit
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wendy wrote:
colin meloy doesn't need to die
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Postby loaf angel » Tue Apr 17, 2018 2:08 pm

nonchalant is my fav boarder
goldsoundz wrote:i'd bang that moron
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Postby easy » Mon Apr 23, 2018 3:47 pm

internetfriend wrote:after I play my guitar on stage, i descend into the dating pit
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Postby delgriffith » Mon Apr 23, 2018 3:49 pm

terminus wrote:
RIXX wrote:when I was a freshman I used to go to SportsClips since I was only getting a basic gay fauxhawk and it was pretty hard to fuck that up. but the main reason was that they repeatedly sent my mom coupons in the mail that were basically like "first timers get a FREE haircut" and I was super broke, so I would just switch it up every couple of weeks and go to a rotation of four different SportsClips in my area. they would put your name in the system every time, so I would just make up combinations of my all my friends' names to get the free haircut (to which I would obviously tip well, i wasn't a monster)

anyway this one time I went in and made up a name and the girl working there was like "you look so familiar!" when she called me up, and then once the haircut started, she straight-up asked me, "are you Ricky?" and I just like nervously laughed and said "No, sorry" but my heart sank because I suddenly remembered who she was, I had gone to middle/high school with her. the whole haircut had a weird tension in the air and and then near the end she asked again, "I'm sorry but you just have to be Ricky" and it was so awkward and i was so obviously lying. the only thing I could think of in the moment to say was "Haha, yeah actually, it is me. I just got a new dad after graduation."

which literally makes no sense, but she just said "Okay" and we then proceeded to catch up and talk about our past, as if I hadn't just been weirdly lying about my identity the whole time. I never went back to a SportsClips after that

This is so, so good.
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Postby lordofdiapers » Mon Apr 23, 2018 3:53 pm

Yeah that's gotta be one of the greatest bad excuses I've ever seen.
Stuntman wrote:Does anyone remember Late Night Cheeseburger? That was my jam. Tasted like BO.
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Postby walt » Mon Apr 23, 2018 3:55 pm

I like the idea of “i got a new dad after graduation” torturing a person for the rest of their life as they agonize desperately over what the hell it could possibly mean.
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Postby lordofdiapers » Mon Apr 23, 2018 3:59 pm

And the idea of the new dad being such an enormous change that it somehow caused you to not be Ricky to old acquaintances
Stuntman wrote:Does anyone remember Late Night Cheeseburger? That was my jam. Tasted like BO.
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Postby Rainbow Battle Kid » Mon Apr 23, 2018 4:01 pm

yeah on her message board that is def the equivalent of gramma's michael miller story
Much Honoured Lord Nefarious wrote:rainbow battle kid you can kindly get the FUCK out of this thread while the adults have actual STAR WARS discussions.
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Postby easy » Wed Apr 25, 2018 10:19 am

Jeremy wrote:
easy wrote:Image


If I saw someone wearing this I would call the police.
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Postby light rail coyote » Wed Apr 25, 2018 5:59 pm

I was showering this morning and worked myself into a laughing fit thinking about Jeremy posting "imagine going to all of that trouble to refine a bunch of sugar and it ends up going in newt gingrich"
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Postby Kevin McCallister » Fri Apr 27, 2018 12:06 am

Man I was in hysterics a minute ago thinking about "I just got a new dad after graduation."
kranky wrote:the monster mash isn't actually halloween specific and is just a monster party that could happen at any time.
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Postby :? :? » Fri Apr 27, 2018 7:24 am

Yeah I look like an idiot here laughing at the sports clips story

Luckily it's just me and one teenager here
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Postby important dentist » Tue May 01, 2018 7:12 pm

loadletter wrote:there was a long time where i was convinced i had seen a controversial xmas episode of family matters where urkel was trying to invent a snow machine, but his design required a real gun and the episode was a morality play about whether it was ok for urkel to buy a dangerous weapon just so he could make a white christmas for everyone


reminded when this video showed up in the youtube sidebar and i thought i had found this mythical episode

(i am only marginally less unsure about whether this is real)
"My foremost duty is to the board," Important Dentist countered. "I
cannot afford to spend that much time researching human sexuality."
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Postby dcm » Wed May 02, 2018 3:35 am

black mamba wrote:
sonicgabe wrote:without the long back-story, this girl is evil (clockout can attest to this) . hadn't run into her in well over a year. maybe a month or so ago, my girlfriend and i see her at a restaurant with some dude that looks like he could be her dad, which was pretty funny and sad (she's always had daddy issues, so this wasn't a surprise).

yesterday, i'm getting a hair cut and the lady who cuts my hair (who owns the place and is also a friend) says that my ex came in to get her hair done and asked about me. hair cutting lady also says that the ex is now completely insane, so i ask how. in a nut-shell, this is a run down of what she tells me:

- ex has lost weight, which she's proud of but she did it on an all alcohol (and probably cocaine) diet. hair cutting lady tells me that in fact the ex looks like shit.
- ex says she went sober for a while, but said it was over rated.
- ex proudly stated that she is pretty much just fucking anyone who will buy her food/drinks/pay her cell phone bill or whatever else she needs.

kinda sad, but karma's a bitch. she's pretty much undateable at this point. she tried to pick up a friend of a friend over a year ago and got laughed at to her face by the dude. he told her something like "i know all about you". everyone knows how fucked up she is, so she is stuck picking up 40 to 50 year old drunk dudes with a little extra cash.

all in all, the whole thing put a smile on my face. when i told my girlfriend about the ex's whoring ways, she almost fell over laughing.


four years later...

pablito wrote: ha ha bitch. im still with her, buying her coke and being much, much older than her. you're gone and i'm not. i've got your ex and your forum. check. mate.


Pablito is a post artist. Fresh out of the oven from "best books about aging":

pablito wrote:A few decades ago I contributed to an anthology called What To Expect When You're Expectorating: Advice For Septuagenarians, From Septuagenarians-At-Heart. It was a guide to aging from some of us who've been there and done that.
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Postby death is my amigo » Wed May 02, 2018 4:06 am

The Dirty Turtle wrote:the huffington post article on this video talked about how kangaroos are real dangerous and if you are attacked you should get in a sideways ball and protect yr head and neck but what this video suggests is that instead you should square up, use your reach as an advantage and punch the kangaroo directly in the face
so
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Postby delgriffith » Thu May 03, 2018 8:25 pm

Grendel wrote:I feel bad for Bam; I know what it's like to have the blues...
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Postby mcwop23 » Thu May 03, 2018 8:40 pm

ScaredGopher wrote:Half the threes Klay makes feel like he was drawing with sticks in the dirt and someone yelled "think fast!" and he looked up, grabbed the pass, effortlessly tosses the sphere into the hole, then went back to fucking with ants or whatever.
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colin meloy doesn't need to die
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Postby feral » Thu May 03, 2018 8:49 pm

sleigh wrote:
The Dirty Turtle wrote:the huffington post article on this video talked about how kangaroos are real dangerous and if you are attacked you should get in a sideways ball and protect yr head and neck but what this video suggests is that instead you should square up, use your reach as an advantage and punch the kangaroo directly in the face


This is the one
philosophy isny jut navel gazing about "life"
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Postby cooly » Thu May 03, 2018 9:00 pm

important dentist wrote:
OKterrific wrote:Aha that's like a good natured version of what happened in the hacked Myspaces thread

is this a relic from previous mks or is it a recent thread because this is a thread i want to read immediately

i don't remember the details well, but i doubt this thread aged well. lots of it was people getting onto like ~16 year old girls aims account and telling their friends they were pregnant / talking about sex.
can wrote:old lady [whispering]
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Postby cooly » Thu May 03, 2018 9:03 pm

there was a much celebrated aim exchange like

boarder says something about the police academy movies
16 year old girl: whats police academy
boarder: UM HELLO?!
can wrote:old lady [whispering]
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Postby Sweet Gregory Pectin » Thu May 03, 2018 9:43 pm

MzHotPrep: hi
TwolvesMN21: Hey
TwolvesMN21: So u r throwing a party?
MzHotPrep: hell yea
MzHotPrep: u comin
TwolvesMN21: When?
MzHotPrep: uh
MzHotPrep: a week from saturday
TwolvesMN21: So in December?
MzHotPrep: yea
MzHotPrep: that cool?
MzHotPrep: i mean it aint set in stone
TwolvesMN21: Yeah
TwolvesMN21: That's cool
TwolvesMN21: Tell me the day b4 your party
MzHotPrep: it's a costume party, btw
TwolvesMN21: Haha, in December
MzHotPrep: yeah u gotta dress up like ur fave character from the Police Academy movies
TwolvesMN21: Yeah, I don't think I can come now
TwolvesMN21: R u serious?
MzHotPrep: yes
MzHotPrep: r u
TwolvesMN21: Yes
TwolvesMN21: I'm not really digging the costume part
MzHotPrep: its okay u can be something easy like Tackleberry
TwolvesMN21: What?
TwolvesMN21: I have never seen those kind of movies
MzHotPrep: k what movies u like
TwolvesMN21: Action & Comdey
MzHotPrep: UM HELLO
MzHotPrep: whats ur favorite movie
TwolvesMN21: The Fast and the Furious
MzHotPrep: alright so u can come as The Rock
TwolvesMN21: What!?
TwolvesMN21: He is not in that movie
MzHotPrep: no The Rock, like the wrestler
TwolvesMN21: Yeah, I know
TwolvesMN21: U like wrestling?
MzHotPrep: yeah u?
TwolvesMN21: Yeah
TwolvesMN21: Did u watch it 2night?
MzHotPrep: nah i missed it
MzHotPrep: u dont by any chance read comics and collect Simpsons figurines do you?
TwolvesMN21: No
TwolvesMN21: U?
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Postby mcwop23 » Thu May 03, 2018 10:05 pm

fucking tackleberry
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Postby mcwop23 » Thu May 03, 2018 10:05 pm

one day i hope SVC opens up the archives for a grand exploration of the board
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Postby cooly » Thu May 03, 2018 10:12 pm

i forgot the action & comedy line. it really makes that exchange
can wrote:old lady [whispering]
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Postby Celiac Cruz » Thu May 03, 2018 10:45 pm

delgriffith wrote:In the summer of 2010 I lived in a shitbox hellhole apartment in Alphabet City and my best friend lived in the room next to mine. He split his share of the rent in half by letting his friend from high school, Hunter, sleep on the floor in the corner of the room. He didn't have a mattress, just a rug and a sheet.

I may have posted about this before but Hunter's daily routine in the summer of 2010 was to wake up and walk to the post office on 3rd & C, where he would pick up mail from a PO box and forward it to someone in Australia. The person in Australia had found Hunter through Craigslist and assured him that he would be paid for his mail forwarding services at the end of each month. It took until August for Hunter to realize he was being scammed.

After he was done forwarding mail, he would walk to the Tompkins Square Park branch of the New York Public Library, check out a novel, and sit in Tompkins Square Park reading it. If he got too hot, he would walk to a coffee place and get an iced coffee. He wouldn't come back to the apartment until he was done reading whatever novel he'd chosen that day.

He read a book a day, seemingly owned 3 identical t-shirts and one pair of shorts, and ate only hot dogs. One time I came back to the apartment after work on a 95 degree day and found him sitting shirtless on the leather couch with two 40's - one in each hand - staring at the television static (we didn't have cable, the TV was just for playing Playstation 2 games on). I asked him what he was doing and he said "I'm trying to finish these before they get hot."

Hunter is the most well-read person I've ever met, but I also saw him set fire to some frozen hot dogs on the stove and then throw up after eating them. He left New York in the middle of the night after realizing he wasn't going to be paid by the Craigslist person, without telling anyone and without paying his share of the rent. He left his library card on the kitchen counter, though.


i like this one bc i weirdly envy Hunter I think
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Postby futurist » Thu May 03, 2018 10:55 pm

Hunter sounds rad
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Postby futurist » Thu May 03, 2018 10:55 pm

Hunter sounds rad

edit: rad enough for two posts
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Postby dusky » Thu May 03, 2018 10:57 pm

i'm going to strive to be more like hunter
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Postby dusky » Thu May 03, 2018 10:58 pm

shit that RIXX post is fuckin me up
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Postby fuckles » Fri May 04, 2018 12:19 pm

this is new but

BannedByAddisonAMA wrote:Tired: an animated Fleshlight replicant of your favorite celeb
Wired: a Gundam with rude titties that electrocutes your dick
Cyril Sneer wrote:INSANE post. I could literally read it for hours.
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