random posts that you still remember

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in

Postby important dentist » Mon May 07, 2018 6:16 pm

Celiac Cruz wrote:
delgriffith wrote:In the summer of 2010 I lived in a shitbox hellhole apartment in Alphabet City and my best friend lived in the room next to mine. He split his share of the rent in half by letting his friend from high school, Hunter, sleep on the floor in the corner of the room. He didn't have a mattress, just a rug and a sheet.

I may have posted about this before but Hunter's daily routine in the summer of 2010 was to wake up and walk to the post office on 3rd & C, where he would pick up mail from a PO box and forward it to someone in Australia. The person in Australia had found Hunter through Craigslist and assured him that he would be paid for his mail forwarding services at the end of each month. It took until August for Hunter to realize he was being scammed.

After he was done forwarding mail, he would walk to the Tompkins Square Park branch of the New York Public Library, check out a novel, and sit in Tompkins Square Park reading it. If he got too hot, he would walk to a coffee place and get an iced coffee. He wouldn't come back to the apartment until he was done reading whatever novel he'd chosen that day.

He read a book a day, seemingly owned 3 identical t-shirts and one pair of shorts, and ate only hot dogs. One time I came back to the apartment after work on a 95 degree day and found him sitting shirtless on the leather couch with two 40's - one in each hand - staring at the television static (we didn't have cable, the TV was just for playing Playstation 2 games on). I asked him what he was doing and he said "I'm trying to finish these before they get hot."

Hunter is the most well-read person I've ever met, but I also saw him set fire to some frozen hot dogs on the stove and then throw up after eating them. He left New York in the middle of the night after realizing he wasn't going to be paid by the Craigslist person, without telling anyone and without paying his share of the rent. He left his library card on the kitchen counter, though.


i like this one bc i weirdly envy Hunter I think

is it even possible to read this post without taking some sort of mental inventory to determine whether it's financially/socially/physically possible for you to become hunter
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Postby Bride of Qualls » Wed May 09, 2018 2:19 am

most are still significantly better off than most

liberal or conservative, i think this sentence, unconsciously perhaps, features prominently in the minds of most of the american electorate.
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Postby dmitry » Wed May 09, 2018 7:28 am

freezinseason wrote:nobody has asked you to burn down his factory with elon musk trapped inside the factory.

trouble wrote:but if you happen to be in the area
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Postby mcwop23 » Wed May 09, 2018 8:02 am

Bride of Qualls wrote:
most are still significantly better off than most

liberal or conservative, i think this sentence, unconsciously perhaps, features prominently in the minds of most of the american electorate.



it sorta worked in context

i was also a little faded
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Postby Bride of Qualls » Wed May 09, 2018 1:49 pm

oh yeah i didn't mean to be catty or anything. i was full drunk and the sentence just caught in my dumb brang for whatever reason
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Postby internetfriend » Wed May 09, 2018 1:49 pm

my brang!
iambic wrote:no don't make those posts
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Postby vivian darko » Tue May 15, 2018 2:20 am

Pashmina wrote:my drinking buddy manager worked at shakespeare and co downtown about 10-15 years ago

derrida used to come in fairly often. once he was buying a bunch of books about himself and i guess some translations or whatever. he goes up to the register and some girl who had worked there for a week is ringing him up. not recognizing him, she looks at the pile of books and goes, in like a really awful faux-french accent, "HO HO HO! JACQUES DERRIDAAAAA, FAMOUS FRENCH FEEE-LOSS-O-FERRRRRRR"

apparently he was pretty cool and nice though
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Postby easy » Tue May 22, 2018 11:26 am

Sweet Gregory Pectin wrote:the judge's ruling to stay 500 feet away from ms duff at all times gets a d-, i'm lights restraining order jackson
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Postby Rainbow Battle Kid » Tue May 22, 2018 11:55 am

vivian darko wrote:
Pashmina wrote:my drinking buddy manager worked at shakespeare and co downtown about 10-15 years ago

derrida used to come in fairly often. once he was buying a bunch of books about himself and i guess some translations or whatever. he goes up to the register and some girl who had worked there for a week is ringing him up. not recognizing him, she looks at the pile of books and goes, in like a really awful faux-french accent, "HO HO HO! JACQUES DERRIDAAAAA, FAMOUS FRENCH FEEE-LOSS-O-FERRRRRRR"

apparently he was pretty cool and nice though


thanks now i have a crush on this girl
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Postby Catullus » Tue May 22, 2018 1:39 pm

Me too, that girl rules
opi wrote:like i don't think it's possible for catullus to be duplicitous, whereas pretty much every other poster at the time struck me as having one foot in shinra
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Postby death is my amigo » Wed May 23, 2018 5:08 pm

BassUhBassUhBassUhBassUhBas wrote:
fackelmann wrote:
BassUhBassUhBassUhBassUhBas wrote:
blogger status wrote:are you really in hs

ya


Describe your average school day in more than 3 words

walk 2 school
kick it
walk home
so
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Postby bongo » Wed May 23, 2018 5:12 pm

hell yeah
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
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Postby Sweet Gregory Pectin » Wed May 23, 2018 9:08 pm

hat tip to hipinion boarder 'i am rich'
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Postby ripersnifle » Wed May 23, 2018 9:39 pm

futurist wrote:Hunter sounds rad
wow i am bascially Hunter rn
steakspoon wrote:sorry if sounds corny fellas but i'll always remember where i was when i heard my first big star song..the internet.
Totally wrote:also to the really creepily obsessed kid frothing NON-US SPORTS GEAR IS A COMPLEXITY-SIGNALING DEVICE FOR AGEING HIPSTER ACOLYTES WHO DOWNLOAD MOANA: I have a lot of friends (and an apartment) in Geelong. Get a fuckin life man.
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Postby morris buttermaker » Thu May 24, 2018 10:56 pm

grace cathedral park wrote:idk you never know if you're right behind waluigi and he's gonna slam a red koopa on you if you don't go because it's too gay for him to wait at a red light


fresh but I can already feel it becoming a part of me
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Postby bro tones » Wed Jun 06, 2018 8:29 am

on sex and the city:

mactheo wrote:that night, I thought about what hoopdog had said. was this simply a good show? or was it an [close-up on text] unbelievably sick show?
benj wrote:rest in peace luggii dead ass
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Postby wendy » Wed Jun 06, 2018 10:29 am

Ferrous Bueller wrote:
Esteban wrote:Even tho Michael Cera looks how you'd think he would by this age, I find it very distressing lol.


I dunno, I never expected his head to change shape
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Postby Sports Fan of the Year » Wed Jun 06, 2018 11:04 am

This exchange has been swirling around in my head for years and I could never remember the exact phrasing or who was involved or even what band they were talking about but I'm so glad to have finally found it

Dalen wrote:
captain wrote:Remember the Futureheads?

Of course you do.
-Dalen


captain, tattoo that on your ass for me!
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Postby opi » Fri Jun 08, 2018 5:53 pm

this thread has definitely become more of a "greatest hits" compendium, which is fine, but not really in line with its original spirit, which was supposed to anthologize posts that for most are completely unremarkable but of which you think often, pretty much inexplicably, so what i'm about to post has been a long time coming & i think falls more in line with the original post

literally almost every time i look at a mirror that isn't primarily occupied by my own reflection, i.e. there's a lot of visual depth "behind" my image, whether it's a cityscape or a street-level window reflection that reveals the world in reverse behind me, i think of the post-- & i'm almost certain it was this poster-- manvstrees made in the 2016 election thread a few days after the election, where he said something roughly along the lines of, "i looked into a mirror earlier today & saw the world reflected back at me & it was like a portal back into universe A"

i mean i think about that post probably nearly every day & i'm sure he doesn't remember posting it at all
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Postby Stuntman » Fri Jun 08, 2018 6:22 pm

In that vein, around the time I first started posting and before I really knew who anyone was, boarder Penitent Man asked Petty how he didn't recognize a Simpsons reference (I don't remember what it was) when his avatar at the time was an image of Lisa Simpson. Petty's response was "Fuckin hate the Simpsons."

I don't know why but I think about that exchange all the time.
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Postby death is my amigo » Sun Jun 10, 2018 6:38 pm

Infinity Lunker wrote:I was at world market yesterday and the guy in front of me bought some German candybar and then got cash back. He asked the cashier to give him all singles, then started doing the make it rain on a stripper hand motion. I couldn't help standing there looking like the dad from The Americans when they both simultaneously turned to make eye contact with me for empathy.
so
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Postby death is my amigo » Tue Jun 12, 2018 5:10 pm

ueckerist wrote:
bingo wrote:the prospect of a new masaki batoh record is transporting me back to high school

god, me too

i remember washing joey baldasare's brother's jeep in exchange for him snagging us a couple cases of icehouse

then we'd steal the keys and pile in the jeep and head out to the amphitheater parking lot to grill some dogs and meet some girls from the next town over

we didn't even care that we couldn't afford tickets to the big masaki batoh show that night

we'd just hang out in the lot, howling along to all the hits as they rolled over the hill and through the thick summer air

were we ever so young?
so
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Postby mcwop23 » Tue Jun 12, 2018 5:32 pm

love ueck
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Postby Stuntman » Thu Jun 14, 2018 12:18 am

Re: when someone tells you how many stitches

pablito wrote:you always just go "wow! oh geez!" no matter what number, but all the numbers sound the same for this. like if someone was like "i fucked up my thumb and it was 200 stitches!" id probably just assume that they do lots of small stitches sometimes and go "geez! hoo boy!"

its not a very good metric


Karl Hungus wrote:Is that... from a Jerry Seinfeld routine?


pablito wrote:I know your trying to troll but actually thanks, dude, Seinfeld is one of the greatest comedians ever. Numbers don't lie.


Karl Hungus wrote:I was not trolling, I was genuinely asking. Here in France most of our standupers (is that a word?) are plagiaziaring (is that a word?) Jerry Seinfeld. I love Jerry Seinfeld. He is hot. He is funny.

If it is not from Jerry Seinfeld, maybe you should consider a change of Korea. (<- I hope you enjoyed that pun)


delgriffith wrote: :)


Ankh wrote:i disagree with the OP


Ankh wrote:just wanted to register that


Ankh wrote:also, staples count for 3 stitches each


pablito wrote:
Karl Hungus wrote: I love Jerry Seinfeld. He is hot. He is funny.

This is all true and also he puts audience in


pablito wrote:Stitches.


Karl Hungus wrote:Did not get it, lol.


delgriffith wrote:When somebody tells me they had to get staples in their head, that's when I know they went and bonked their head, producing the classic symptoms of bonkus of the konkus.


nonchalant wrote:what if i told you i only had one stitch from a really bad papercut






pablito wrote:[At the comedy club]
JERRY:
When someone tells you how many stitches you always just go "wow! oh geez!" no matter what number, but all the numbers sound the same for this.

[AUDIENCE goes wild]

JERRY:
Like if someone was like "i fucked up my thumb and it was 200 stitches!" id probably just assume that they do lots of small stitches sometimes and go "geez! hoo boy!"

[At coffee shop]
GEORGE:
Is that... from a Jerry Seinfeld routine?

JERRY:
I know your trying to troll but actually thanks, dude, I am one of the greatest comedians ever. Numbers don't lie.

GEORGE:
I was not trolling, I was genuinely asking. Here in France most of our standupers (is that a word?) are plagiaziaring (is that a word?) Jerry Seinfeld. I love Jerry Seinfeld. He is hot. He is funny.

If it is not from Jerry Seinfeld, maybe you should consider a change of Korea. I hope you enjoyed that pun.

[KRAMER smiles at JERRY.]

ELAINE:
I disagree with OP.

Just wanted to register that.

Also, staples count for three stitches each.

JERRY:
George said I love Jerry Seinfeld. He is hot. He is funny. This is all true and I put audience in.

[JERRY sips coffee]

JERRY:
Stitches.

GEORGE:
DId not get it, lol.

KRAMER:
When somebody tells me they had to get staples in their head, that's when I know they went and bonked their head, producing the classic symptoms of bonkus of the konkus.

WAITRESS:
What if i told you i only had one stitch from a really bad papercut

[SCENE]
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Postby joe » Thu Jun 14, 2018 12:22 am

jesus those posts have me in stitches
dễ dàng wrote:CHẾT TIỆT
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Postby joe » Thu Jun 14, 2018 12:23 am

i'm not trolling: they used 200 stitches to put my funny bone back together
dễ dàng wrote:CHẾT TIỆT
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Postby delgriffith » Thu Jun 14, 2018 12:32 am

pablito is the greatest
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Postby mites » Thu Jun 14, 2018 1:11 am

Holy fuck the stitches thread
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Postby ueckerist » Fri Jun 15, 2018 10:57 am

i came for the rare vanity search result

i stayed for the pablito
Hopefully, people will take a general look at this and see what's the lesson.
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Postby Kenny » Fri Jun 15, 2018 11:00 am

Stuntman wrote:In that vein, around the time I first started posting and before I really knew who anyone was, boarder Penitent Man asked Petty how he didn't recognize a Simpsons reference (I don't remember what it was) when his avatar at the time was an image of Lisa Simpson. Petty's response was "Fuckin hate the Simpsons."

I don't know why but I think about that exchange all the time.

Woah is this my first post posted in this thread as a good post?? :)
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