ghostguts wrote:fucks with your mood if you do this longterm/prescribed from my experience and friends' experience, so I try to stay away for the most part. had my days when I was strung out on adderall and vyvanse and it's not really fun past the first couple of days of usage, because you're just trying to maintain that feeling, as all drugs go.
So since presumably the day I was born I was the categorical hyper kid. I'm 30 now but if I would have been born a decade later I would have been on like 90mg of this shit per day. One of my earliest memories is being forced to have a conference with a teacher and my mom because I was literally driving the teacher mad by making repetitive beeping sounds ala Beaker the muppet. I always loved being the class clown, weird kid, it definitely made the high school experience crazy and fun...lighting a bus on fire and blaming someone else for it, jumping off the theatre stage during a presentation, having competitive masturbation sessions with one of my female friends in spanish class.
Anyways I got to college and realized that I cruised by in high school because of that impulsiveness and big personality. All the while I missing huge parts of intellectual and emotional development because I'm so singularly focused on getting laughs from everyone and just generally being the most impulsive person I could be.
Finally decided I was going to try to give stimulants a chance and it was the absolute cliched moment of "this is how life should be". It calmed me the fuck down, basically muted all that useless outside "noise", and made me feel like I was making huge strides in my writing and art. Looking back at some of that stuff now, it did help those strides. It was just the perfect drug, I kept feeling so immensely empowered and able to finally deal with all the important life stuff I'd just been constantly avoiding and failing at by not trying.
As I eventually learned through about 6 years of use and abuse, methamphetamines burn you out. I got to a point where I'd need 90 milligrams to even be able to get out of bed in the morning. It absolutely killed my sense of humor. It changed my voice, even, turned it into this dry monotone. And the amazing thing about stimulants are not only the tolerance you get for them, but also the way your brain gets strangely attuned to the idea of them. I still think back to some of the first times I took that stuff, it was just the most perfect feeling, and everytime I've used it since then its just a lesser version of that original experience. Each time the enlightenment and inspiration gets less and less, the chemical effects more and more. But you still crave it, and imagine that the next time you take it, it'll be euphoric fix-all it once was. Its also pretty cliche at this point, but being on a high dose of stimulants and being tired is the worst thing.
When they tested a bunch of stimulants' effectiveness on pilots a few years back they found out that plain old coffee worked best over the short term and long term. I drink a shitton of caffeine nowadays, I guess it goes without saying. I definitely still think about the speed buzz often though. In someways I think of coffee like its methadone.