Sobriety

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in

Postby ashtrayheart » Fri Feb 16, 2018 5:05 am

about three weeks ago i decided to have a few drinks. i talked about it for a while with my s/o. i hadnt had a drink in over a year and i felt really strong and positive, seemed like a different person. i mean, im not, but really, so much fuckin stuff has changed for me in the last 1.5 years i might as well be. since then ive had a few nights where i stayed in and had a beer or two with my s/o (which seemed to go fine) and a few nights where i went out (mixed results). i probably went out four times. each time i drank more than i originally intended, and each time i felt super weird about it for a while. bad hangovers, bad anxiety hangovers. i realized after the last time that this is what life is like when i'm drinking. nights move fast, i always drink more and more, i am useless the next day. i can't hack it. at first i thought things were still fine because, yeah, nothing went TERRIBLY wrong or anything. i didnt black out or go on any benders or anything nuts, none of the penultimate behavior that led to sobriety in the first place. but it's still there. whatever the hell is inside me that makes me incompatible with this stuff remains, and im pretty sure if i dont go stone cold sober again that stuff will come, eventually. ive got a lot of shit going on in my life right now and im more accountable than ever, so maybe id be mostly fine for a year or two or three, but eventually i'd lose it. so, im gonna be sober again.

im glad i tried drinking again, anyway. i still wont say im sober for good, because it seems weird to call anything permanent, and i dont like labeling stuff because i want to be empowered by a daily decision. maybe ill have another drink in a couple years and see how it goes. unless something deep down fundamentally changes, though, i know that i gotta just stay the hell away all together.
User avatar
ashtrayheart
 
Posts: 1427
Joined: Fri Oct 04, 2013 12:02 am

Postby bongo » Fri Feb 16, 2018 6:29 am

that is a great post and one i’m sure illl return to

thanks for making it
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68773
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby shacky » Fri Feb 16, 2018 9:14 am

do you guys have mantras

im trying moderation and they're surprisingly helpful for me
User avatar
shacky
 
Posts: 3437
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 10:28 pm
Location: melbin

Postby something sensible if » Sat Feb 17, 2018 8:04 am

i feel like i cycled through a bunch of mantras over the course of many months but i haven't really had any in a long while. it's weird i don't really remember exactly what they might have been. just sort of a summary of the last sobriety related epiphany i was having.

its been like 2.5 years since ive had a drink and i feel like i still fucking love getting drunk.
something sensible if
 
Posts: 2662
Joined: Mon Mar 29, 2010 12:20 am

Postby bear » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:12 am

shacky wrote:do you guys have mantras

im trying moderation and they're surprisingly helpful for me


"the things you put before your recovery you will lose"
hpn.center - the #1 source for all your boarding needs
User avatar
bear
good bear
 
Posts: 3710
Joined: Sat Dec 19, 2009 12:32 am

Postby bongo » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:38 am

“you know how it will go”
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68773
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby antoine » Sat Feb 17, 2018 7:31 pm

I've been in a real depressive spell and wanting to drink again, or not really wanting to but kind of romanticizing the allure of the escape that drinking represents. That old "fuck the world" mentality is really tempting to get lost in and it made me think "if I want to fucking drink I'll fucking drink and it doesn't matter and no one can stop me" and I get a weird thrill out of that idea. But I can't bring myself to really believe in that anymore. I think I'm at a point where my sobriety is pretty ingrained and as much as part of me wants to "try it again" like something sensible did I don't think I can actually bring myself to do it. Maybe if something goes catastrophically wrong, but even that is stupid to me now. Like I said, I read "Leaving Las Vegas", which while harsh about some of the realities of alcoholism it romanticizes it too. Drinking one's self to death becomes this sort of noble journey of the self that leads to death but also love, even if it is a pitiable form of love. It's a good book but I don't think it quite captures the utter annihilation of the self that people who die from drinking endure. Then I watched Dallas Buyers Club and after Woodard gets his diagnosis he's shown binge drinking and drugging and there's no heroism there. It's admitting defeat. He couldn't have started the Buyer's Club or helped anyone if he had just stayed fucked up until he died. That movie isn't about substance abuse and it glosses over his pretty apparent drinking problem but that still struck me. Then I read the Jason Molina biography and his final alcoholic descent towards self destruction is really harrowing. There's no romance to it at all. There's only degradation and pain and the ever widening circle of pain that his alcoholism caused to those who loved him. It hit really close to home for me and what I experienced with my sister's alcoholism and made me remember the absolute chaos that kind of addiction creates. Anyway, I think I will stay sober for the time being.
User avatar
antoine
 
Posts: 52125
Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:32 pm

Postby tea preacher » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:00 pm

Have you read Knausgaard’s My Struggle series, particularly the early novels that chronicle his fathers alcohomism and death? Definitely no romance in that death by drinking either.
you'll never hear me talk about one day getting out
User avatar
tea preacher
 
Posts: 547
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:37 pm

Postby tea preacher » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:03 pm

bear wrote:
shacky wrote:do you guys have mantras

im trying moderation and they're surprisingly helpful for me


"the things you put before your recovery you will lose"


If AAisms count then “play the tape forward” is definitely mine.
you'll never hear me talk about one day getting out
User avatar
tea preacher
 
Posts: 547
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:37 pm

Postby antoine » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:11 pm

tea preacher wrote:Have you read Knausgaard’s My Struggle series, particularly the early novels that chronicle his fathers alcohomism and death? Definitely no romance in that death by drinking either.

I have not but I'll check them out.
User avatar
antoine
 
Posts: 52125
Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:32 pm

Postby bongo » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:36 pm

alcohol fucking sucks
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68773
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby shacky » Sun Feb 18, 2018 2:41 am

yeah it does. my mantra didn't go so well and for the second consecutive weekend found myself passing out in the street until raised to my feet by strangers/the police. im tired.
User avatar
shacky
 
Posts: 3437
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 10:28 pm
Location: melbin

Postby mascotte » Sun Feb 18, 2018 8:49 am

2 years have passed since I left rehab. It's been a rough ride but now I'm more sober than ever and I dont regret a minute of it. This week I quit my group therapy, time to move forward. I haven't felt any cravings in months, I wish they never come back (I know, I know). I started a new individual therapy, that woman has the Erickssonian background and I feel there's shitload of hatred, fear and anger passed from generation to generation in my family, its amazing I'm still alive.
User avatar
mascotte
 
Posts: 5128
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2011 2:18 pm
Location: Poland

Postby milknight » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:49 am

Havent drank in a month and im gonna keep going. I never realized how much drinking was fucking with my life until i took a step away from my “routine”. Idk if i should ever go back but im definitely not the forseeable future. Only hard thing will be not drinking on vacation in mexico city in a month but i think i can do it. It would be cool to remember a vacation
User avatar
milknight
 
Posts: 13737
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:06 pm

Postby bongo » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:50 am

nice dude!
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68773
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby milknight » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:53 am

Thanks man. Im lucky i have lots of friends who dont/barely drink which is unusual so the first month was mostly a breeze. I know it wont always be like that though. Dating/weddings/travel are things im worried about but i guess ill cross those bridges when i get to them. I really havent missed it yet tho i just need to not let that lull me into having one bc im pretty sure i know how that will go
User avatar
milknight
 
Posts: 13737
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:06 pm

Postby bongo » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:54 am

im having a lot of drinking dreams still, i really dont like it

i take them to show just how deeply engaged with booze i was/am
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68773
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby tea preacher » Mon Feb 19, 2018 10:11 am

bongo wrote:im having a lot of drinking dreams still, i really dont like it

i take them to show just how deeply engaged with booze i was/am


These peaked at 1 year sobriety for me and that seems to be pretty normal from what I’ve seen in AA. It passed and now I don’t have them anymore. I’m sure it will eventually pass for you too, though I know it’s hard to ride out. Not that you won’t have them periodically but it seems lots of people go through an intense cycle of these around 1 year. Hang in there.
you'll never hear me talk about one day getting out
User avatar
tea preacher
 
Posts: 547
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:37 pm

Postby bongo » Mon Feb 19, 2018 10:53 am

thanks :)

mostly its just annoying. like last night i had this weird one about going to a strange pony keg bar with my mom and being very conflicted but ultimately getting a drink and catching a buzz and running into dreampeople who were asking me if i was ok because the last time theyd seen me id been suicidal and blacked out
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68773
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby pokethedoke » Fri Feb 23, 2018 7:15 pm

Man never drinking again
User avatar
pokethedoke
 
Posts: 8003
Joined: Thu Dec 19, 2013 1:44 am

Postby came to wreck » Fri Feb 23, 2018 7:24 pm

its possible poke!
User avatar
came to wreck
 
Posts: 11210
Joined: Fri Dec 10, 2010 6:50 pm

Postby ripersnifle » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:22 pm

you know what's a fun Sobriety thing i enjoy? justifying a purchase as "my beer money" lol
"hellyeah, i'm gonna buy these 2 Cookies 'N Cream Milk2Gos!! with my beer money!!!"
steakspoon wrote:sorry if sounds corny fellas but i'll always remember where i was when i heard my first big star song..the internet.
Totally wrote:also to the really creepily obsessed kid frothing NON-US SPORTS GEAR IS A COMPLEXITY-SIGNALING DEVICE FOR AGEING HIPSTER ACOLYTES WHO DOWNLOAD MOANA: I have a lot of friends (and an apartment) in Geelong. Get a fuckin life man.
User avatar
ripersnifle
 
Posts: 13467
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2011 11:07 pm
Location: carnival 2000

Postby ripersnifle » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:24 pm

does anyone else have things they enjoy indulging in as like a playful substitute for alcohol purchases? i've kinda found flavoured milks, for whatever reason, are my shit recently.
Last edited by ripersnifle on Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
steakspoon wrote:sorry if sounds corny fellas but i'll always remember where i was when i heard my first big star song..the internet.
Totally wrote:also to the really creepily obsessed kid frothing NON-US SPORTS GEAR IS A COMPLEXITY-SIGNALING DEVICE FOR AGEING HIPSTER ACOLYTES WHO DOWNLOAD MOANA: I have a lot of friends (and an apartment) in Geelong. Get a fuckin life man.
User avatar
ripersnifle
 
Posts: 13467
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2011 11:07 pm
Location: carnival 2000

Postby ripersnifle » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:26 pm

(i find that it kind of helps me take my mind off buying liquor when i'm in a store that stocks liquor and also my favourite indulgence thing of the moment.)
steakspoon wrote:sorry if sounds corny fellas but i'll always remember where i was when i heard my first big star song..the internet.
Totally wrote:also to the really creepily obsessed kid frothing NON-US SPORTS GEAR IS A COMPLEXITY-SIGNALING DEVICE FOR AGEING HIPSTER ACOLYTES WHO DOWNLOAD MOANA: I have a lot of friends (and an apartment) in Geelong. Get a fuckin life man.
User avatar
ripersnifle
 
Posts: 13467
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2011 11:07 pm
Location: carnival 2000

Postby bongo » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:29 pm

pastries
eastern european mineral water
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68773
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby bongo » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:29 pm

i want a cookie n cream milk now
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68773
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby ripersnifle » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:31 pm

pastries are also extremely my shit rn, nice
steakspoon wrote:sorry if sounds corny fellas but i'll always remember where i was when i heard my first big star song..the internet.
Totally wrote:also to the really creepily obsessed kid frothing NON-US SPORTS GEAR IS A COMPLEXITY-SIGNALING DEVICE FOR AGEING HIPSTER ACOLYTES WHO DOWNLOAD MOANA: I have a lot of friends (and an apartment) in Geelong. Get a fuckin life man.
User avatar
ripersnifle
 
Posts: 13467
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2011 11:07 pm
Location: carnival 2000

Postby antoine » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:32 pm

ripersnifle wrote:you know what's a fun Sobriety thing i enjoy? justifying a purchase as "my beer money" lol
"hellyeah, i'm gonna buy these 2 Cookies 'N Cream Milk2Gos!! with my beer money!!!"

This is a slippery slope
User avatar
antoine
 
Posts: 52125
Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:32 pm

Postby antoine » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:33 pm

Not towards drinking but towards wasting tons of money for no reason and I do it all the time
User avatar
antoine
 
Posts: 52125
Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:32 pm

Postby ripersnifle » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:39 pm

antoine wrote:Not towards drinking but towards wasting tons of money for no reason and I do it all the time
this is true. i could see how it evens out incrementally or something.
steakspoon wrote:sorry if sounds corny fellas but i'll always remember where i was when i heard my first big star song..the internet.
Totally wrote:also to the really creepily obsessed kid frothing NON-US SPORTS GEAR IS A COMPLEXITY-SIGNALING DEVICE FOR AGEING HIPSTER ACOLYTES WHO DOWNLOAD MOANA: I have a lot of friends (and an apartment) in Geelong. Get a fuckin life man.
User avatar
ripersnifle
 
Posts: 13467
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2011 11:07 pm
Location: carnival 2000

PreviousNext

Return to Mamma Mia... Here We Go Again....

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: all day breakfast, average deceiver, Bad craziness, baka baka, Bartatua, Barthes Starr, Beautiful Jugdish, becky, Big Oil, blab, brent, brentwurst, bro tones, Buddy Glass, building jumper, carrion, Celiac Cruz, chairkicker, coop, DasLofGang, deebster, doublethink0, dragon jeans, Endtro, Eyeball Kid, fester, Flossed Out, fresh, fresh salad, fuckyoudad, fury, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], grace cathedral park, griffith scannell, haddonfield, Hal Jordan, Hideaway Lights, howiep, hyperbole man, jalapeño ranch, Jerry Lundegaard, Jouster, kayke, kentucky, kirito, kittum, kyle, Legion, light rail coyote, lights, Meeps, meeshpotato, mini, MrDecember, My Pal the Crook, No Good Advice, nocents, number none, palmer eldritch, pizza, Poptone, powderfinger, Prof. Horatio Hufnagel, Quixotic, Rainbow Battle Kid, REAL BASED SLOB, ripersnifle, Robert, sassafras socks, Self Destructive Zone, shankly, shark week, Shotfrog, sideshow raheem, Sissy Spacerock, Snerler, someguy, speakers, staple, sultanpepper, surly, tgk, That Demon Life, transitive, trigross, Vacancies, various artists, viachicago, walt, wario lopez, WeirdJungle, WHITEBOYWASTED, Wrong Titus