Sobriety

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Postby Seamus » Tue Aug 29, 2017 4:48 pm

Thanks for the warm words, all. Antoine that book looks like the kind of thing I want to be reading, I'm going to get it tomorrow when I get paid. Also had a very similar dream to the one you described and it was weird when I woke up and wasn't hungover / still drunk. Quickly gave way to relief though. I'm slowly making my way through the sobriety and dts threads now, they're great resources to have.


Edgar, I feel exactly in the same boat as you here:

just tough because besides her my only other austin friends are heavy heavy drinkers and i dont know how to maintain my friendships with them because when i managed to go a week completely sober and wanted to share with them they were completely ambivalent, as was my sister, also an alcoholic, and im just scared about losing the only friends who have stuck with me the past 8 years ive lived here, but hopeful that going back to school will let me meet new people and make new friends where the relationship isnt dependent on us going out to get drunk in order to socialize


really wishing the best for you
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Postby lights » Tue Aug 29, 2017 5:12 pm

Late Bloomer wrote:Hi folks,

First time/long time…I haven’t read this thread all of the way so forgive me if this has already been covered, but I’m wondering if anyone has any tips/resources for a sober person (er, me) who is living with someone (spouse) who still drinks, occasionally to excess? Someone suggested that she try attending a AL-ANON meeting and we’re both open to that, but I don’t actually go to AA meetings myself (I’ve tried and it didn’t really work for me – I do attend SMART meetings sometimes) so I wasn’t sure if that would be weird. I know very little about AL-ANON though but it seems like it might not really fit the bill? Anyway, good work everyone!


I've never been to an al-anon meeting myself, but my wife has told me that it helped her deal with her dad's alcoholism. Granted she had a whole separate set of issues than a spouse would, but it helped her deal with why her father had such a tough time quitting drinking, how to support him when he was able to stop, and how to process his death when he passed due to cirrhosis. Her dad was never a big 12 step guy, but she/her family were accepted at the AL-ANON meetings since it's more about what those close to the alcoholic need/can do rather than the alcoholic themselves.

Then again this was also ~20 years ago, so I dunno how relevant it still is today.
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Postby antoine » Tue Aug 29, 2017 5:16 pm

I went to a couple al-anon meetings when my sister was deep into alcoholism. It was me and three other middle aged mothers of addicts. It was a little weird but kind of cathartic. It's probably worth looking into if it's an ongoing problem with a family member.
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Postby Late Bloomer » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:17 pm

Cool, thanks for the responses. Sound like Al-Anon wouldn't really fit the bill, but we might check it out anyway. There seems to be surprisingly little out there for sober people who live with non-sober people but maybe I'm not looking hard enough.
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Postby little lulu » Sun Sep 03, 2017 6:26 pm

So all but two of my friends are huge drinkers and I'm addicted to bars. How do I start my sobriety if I'm so used to going out to bars and most of my friends drink?
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Postby Real Love » Sun Sep 03, 2017 6:27 pm

I cracked last Sunday and will again tonight but holy moly is not drinking better than drinking
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Postby antoine » Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:04 pm

What's making you crack
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Postby dvr » Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:54 pm

little lulu wrote:So all but two of my friends are huge drinkers and I'm addicted to bars. How do I start my sobriety if I'm so used to going out to bars and most of my friends drink?


very carefully
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Postby something sensible if » Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:56 pm

little lulu i'm very interested in hearing how you handle that
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Postby deebster » Sun Sep 03, 2017 8:00 pm

There are secular aa meetings if that is a hold-up for any of you. Look up your local listings and there might be an offering.
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Postby Cone » Sun Sep 03, 2017 10:15 pm

Real Love wrote:I cracked last Sunday and will again tonight but holy moly is not drinking better than drinking


I've started to accept that I'll never truly embrace/be capable of strict sobriety but I've at least become a more self-aware drinker over the past year and good god this is so true.
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Postby something sensible if » Mon Sep 04, 2017 2:09 pm

reality basically feels like an h.p. lovecraft story in its own right where anybody who endures it could potentially lose their mind
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Postby bongo » Mon Sep 04, 2017 2:10 pm

drinking definitely "takes the edge" off of the human condition - in a very base, dumb, and ultimately terrible way
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
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Postby bongo » Mon Sep 04, 2017 2:12 pm

last night i watched labor day fireworks and drank some really nice purple yabao tea. undoubtedly the first time ive seen fireworks sober since i was a kid.

not a huge fireworks fan really (kind of have a larry david wrt the ocean reaction with them) but it was a beautiful time to think about how grateful i am to be sober
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Postby mead » Mon Sep 04, 2017 2:21 pm

that was beautiful
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Postby antoine » Mon Sep 04, 2017 2:23 pm

bingo wrote:drinking definitely "takes the edge" off of the human condition - in a very base, dumb, and ultimately terrible way

Yeah.
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Postby mead » Mon Sep 04, 2017 3:26 pm

i'm kicking off month 10 and i still feel like i'm just getting to know myself

understanding that alcohol was so very high on my list of priorities that i padded pretty much any available free time around my inebriation/hangovers has been a faultless tool for personal development

it occupied so much of my thinking that it was chief in issues to obsess over when making plans for even routine outings with my wife or friends, family - self-strategizing what i felt to be ideal drinking culture quarters was always central to establishing vacation (or otherwise) destinations

so it was an exhaustive, senseless way to live



but today i was off from work and have had a totally sweet morning just hanging out with our pets, cooking cauliflower soup & listening to vince staples

feels good man ;) <3
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Postby antoine » Mon Sep 04, 2017 3:28 pm

mead wrote:i'm kicking off month 10 and i still feel like i'm just getting to know myself

understanding that alcohol was so very high on my list of priorities that i padded pretty much any available free time around my inebriation/hangovers has been a faultless tool for personal development

it occupied so much of my thinking that it was chief in issues to obsess over when making plans for even routine outings with my wife or friends, family - self-strategizing what i felt to be ideal drinking culture quarters was always central to establishing vacation destinations

so it was an exhaustive, senseless way to live



but today i was off from work and have had a totally sweet morning just hanging out with our pets, cooking cauliflower soup & listening to vince staples

feels good man ;) <3

<3
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Postby bongo » Mon Sep 04, 2017 4:13 pm

mead - aweosme post that i identify with
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Postby sadville » Mon Sep 04, 2017 4:40 pm

worried about my brother. he is doing the get blackout and belligerent drunk thing. my mom had to rescue him from the bar last night so that he didn't get arrested. he's not the type to listen, so i'm not really sure what to do other than CALL AN INTERVENTION which maybe it's the time to do that. jeez.

thinking about just doing the sobriety thing so that i don't fuck up. 2 drinks becomes 5 becomes obliterated, at least that's a tendency in my family. i feel like garbage today, and while a lot of it's down to current life stuff, it's certainly not helping that i'm having to recover from a "fun night."
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Postby lockheed » Sat Sep 23, 2017 1:38 pm

60 days

September has been pretty fucking weird in terms of real life circumstances, triggers, etc. and I've had a lot of opportunities to drink, but I've turned all of them down, which is a very empowering sort of position to be in psychologically. I don't feel the desire to drink at all besides the taste i guess, which I do think about from time to time. I do feel this kind of selfish pride in being sober every day and I doubt I'd trade the kind of substantiating, ongoing experience of recovery for an alcoholic detour at this point or anytime soon. Bartenders are super cool about it so far and tend to be pretty well-informed and sage-like about the process, either having known and assisted plenty of friends throughout their process or simply having been around alcohol long enough to understand the complexity of the matter on any part of the spectrum. So club soda and lime is like a calling card met with encouragement and genuine understanding, in my experience. Otherwise, severe anxiety, described often in this thread as being a consequence of alcoholism, for the most part doesn't exist for me anymore and I could really care less about most of the things alcoholics tend to associate drinking with, mainly the desire to be liked or having to establish some introductory level of appeal to others. it's not really my problem anymore. I still have plenty of fucking anxiety in its various iterations, but i'm not shaken up about my self in the fundamental way.

I dunno, life is still as troubling as it always was and always will be, but the simplicity and clarity of sobriety as the condition through which you experience it is, so far, very much preferable.
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Postby Paul » Sat Sep 23, 2017 1:42 pm

that's awesome lockheed. glad to hear people around you are supportive of it as well
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Postby lockheed » Sat Sep 23, 2017 1:53 pm

Hey thanks pauI. I only have a few actual friends where I live, but they've been very supportive and enjoy having me back instead of some thirsty ghost of myself.

I've been reading Under the Volcano and it does a great job of pinning down this intense feeling of shame and guilt that always accompanies this ecstatic sublimation to alcohol, which is often expressed very well in jason molina's lyrics too, especially the former. With regard to the latter, Lowry and Molina both converge in their own separate ways by conceiving of that sublimation as a kind of hell or a judgement which one has accepted. The internalized shame and guilt one carries around is noticeable to almost everyone and it feels very good not to walk in to a friend's apartment already feeling like you've done something wrong.
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Postby Spoons » Sat Sep 23, 2017 2:17 pm

Congrats lockheed! That's very motivating.

Can you name some of the Molina songs you were referring to?
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Postby Paul » Sat Sep 23, 2017 2:27 pm

.
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Postby antoine » Sat Sep 23, 2017 2:28 pm

lockheed wrote:60 days

September has been pretty fucking weird in terms of real life circumstances, triggers, etc. and I've had a lot of opportunities to drink, but I've turned all of them down, which is a very empowering sort of position to be in psychologically. I don't feel the desire to drink at all besides the taste i guess, which I do think about from time to time. I do feel this kind of selfish pride in being sober every day and I doubt I'd trade the kind of substantiating, ongoing experience of recovery for an alcoholic detour at this point or anytime soon. Bartenders are super cool about it so far and tend to be pretty well-informed and sage-like about the process, either having known and assisted plenty of friends throughout their process or simply having been around alcohol long enough to understand the complexity of the matter on any part of the spectrum. So club soda and lime is like a calling card met with encouragement and genuine understanding, in my experience. Otherwise, severe anxiety, described often in this thread as being a consequence of alcoholism, for the most part doesn't exist for me anymore and I could really care less about most of the things alcoholics tend to associate drinking with, mainly the desire to be liked or having to establish some introductory level of appeal to others. it's not really my problem anymore. I still have plenty of fucking anxiety in its various iterations, but i'm not shaken up about my self in the fundamental way.

I dunno, life is still as troubling as it always was and always will be, but the simplicity and clarity of sobriety as the condition through which you experience it is, so far, very much preferable.

Awesome man. You sound very lucid and clear-headed about it all. Keep writing about it and keep doing what you're doing.
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Postby theta » Sat Sep 23, 2017 2:29 pm

today marks the one year anniversary of having 911 called because i passed out in the uber that strangers got me because i was throwing up through a mesh table after last call. haven’t blacked out since! yay me!
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Postby lockheed » Sat Sep 23, 2017 2:36 pm

Spoons wrote:Congrats lockheed! That's very motivating.

Can you name some of the Molina songs you were referring to?


man, it's kind of all over his music and imagery.
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Postby lockheed » Sat Sep 23, 2017 3:02 pm

theta wrote:today marks the one year anniversary of having 911 called because i passed out in the uber that strangers got me because i was throwing up through a mesh table after last call. haven’t blacked out since! yay me!


right on!
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Postby pablito » Thu Sep 28, 2017 12:53 am

2 years today. i like who i am so, so much more now
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