Sobriety

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in

Postby ripersnifle » Thu May 17, 2018 12:32 pm

bongo wrote:im actually sent an email to jamison to thank her for this book :oops:
this is sick. i might do the same.
steakspoon wrote:sorry if sounds corny fellas but i'll always remember where i was when i heard my first big star song..the internet.
Totally wrote:also to the really creepily obsessed kid frothing NON-US SPORTS GEAR IS A COMPLEXITY-SIGNALING DEVICE FOR AGEING HIPSTER ACOLYTES WHO DOWNLOAD MOANA: I have a lot of friends (and an apartment) in Geelong. Get a fuckin life man.
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Postby Spoons » Thu May 17, 2018 1:48 pm

bongo wrote:i listened to the recovering on audiobook for 75% of it or so, jamison herself narrates and does a great job

cant really overstate how important this book is for me already


is this in the dropbox?
bongo wrote:spoons pounds
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Postby bongo » Thu May 17, 2018 1:50 pm

ebook thread i believe
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Postby Spoons » Thu May 17, 2018 2:29 pm

no audiobook version?
bongo wrote:spoons pounds
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Postby bongo » Thu May 17, 2018 2:30 pm

oh, sorry. im listening to the audiobook with audible fwiw
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
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Postby mooncalf » Thu May 17, 2018 2:48 pm

bongo wrote:also - ctw, other people who strike me as more versed in recovery lit - what are some titles that have been valuable to you?

i am interested in john berrymans "the recovery" right now, may pick that up next


Not a recovery book, and I'd bet that most in here have already read it, but I think the book to me that best distills my alcoholic life to its essence is jesus' son. That said, when I recommended in to my wife who's going on 12 years sober now, she had to put it down because it brought her back too vividly

“When he was dry, he believed it was alcohol he needed, but when he had a few drinks in him, he knew it was something else, possibly a woman; and when he had it all -- cash, booze, and a wife -- he couldn't be distracted from the great emptiness that was always falling through him and never hit the ground.”

“Sometimes what I wouldn't give to have us sitting in a bar again at 9:00 a.m. telling lies to one another, far from God.”

“The Vine had no jukebox, but a real stereo continually playing tunes of alcoholic self-pity and sentimental divorce "Nurse," I sobbed. She poured doubles like an angel, right up to the lip of a cocktail glass, no measuring. " You have a lovely pitching arm." You had to go down on them like a hummingbird over a blossom. I saw her much later, not too many years ago, and when I smiled she seemed to believe I was making advances. But it was only that I remembered. I'll never forgot you. Your husband will beat you with an extension cord and the bus will pull away leaving you standing there in tears, but you were my mother.”


And on AA

“All these weirdos, and me getting a little better every day right in the midst of them. I had never known, never even imagined for a heartbeat, that there might be a place for people like us.”
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Postby mascotte » Sat May 19, 2018 5:47 am

Going to an AA picnic today with my daughter. It's my third summer w/o alcohol, not so long ago during such a warm, sunny Saturday I'd prepare a BBQ and invite a buch of friends, start serving myself chilled prosecco w. orange juice or beer before anyone arrives to get in the mood. Around midday I would be moderately inebriated and the most important thing for me would be if booze is chilled enough when the ppl come and if there's enough of it. I'd count the bottles again and again to make sure everyone gets served and there's a surplus for me., extra 3 bottles just in case. If somehow we run out of fuel I'd sneak out to the nearest store to buy more, gratifying myself with a small vodka on my way back, reentering the party like a king, shaking the bags and sharing the bottles with everyone. Drink, drink, everyone! Gay and loud, red faced and sweating like a pig I'd turn the steaks around, pouring beer over them and pouring more into my mouth. When the booze and the sunshine combined were hammering me too hard I sneaked out again to take some stimulants for a balance, at thus stage I felt sober again and I felt like I got immuned to ethanol so I served myself even more beer and then even more coke, some RCs or whatever wast left after the yesterday's binge. Sweating like fuck now, too coked up to talk reasonably with anyone I nervously held one hand in my pocket to make sure I don't lose the zipbag with a tinier and tinier amount of crystalline white substance, my only connection with the world around. But my apetite was usually huge and I never got enough of drugs and alcohol, so I usually sniffed out everything before the end of the day and eventually collapsed somewhere, on the couch, on the grass or where the children played, it didn't matter. I lost that battle that day but I knew that someone somewhere, some distant FB friend was preparing for a Sunday BBQ and that I must be there with another zip bag in my jeans pocket, a bag of chilled beers or something stronger that time, no matter what.
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Postby antoine » Sat May 19, 2018 10:41 am

Congrats mascotte
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Postby Hideaway Lights » Sat May 19, 2018 10:56 am

Over a year sober from weed, 11 months sober from drinking

Been working on an album about recovery
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Postby bongo » Sat May 19, 2018 2:14 pm

congrats mascotte and HL :)
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
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Postby Sports Fan of the Year » Tue May 22, 2018 8:16 am

Thinking of going to 'Bristol Secular Sobriety'

I've fallen off the wagon a few times after spending time around my dad who seems to be going through a bottle of wine a day now and I think I'm still on the right path but the debilitating anxiety of a hangover has got me straight back to worrying if I'm actually capable of this : / (I'm sure I am)
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Postby . » Tue May 22, 2018 8:18 am

It's amazing how much better I feel after not drinking. I think I've done three days off total since I had a sober November
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Postby ripersnifle » Tue May 22, 2018 9:17 pm

finished the Jamison tonight.
very moving book that i'm probably going to be thinking about for a long while.
steakspoon wrote:sorry if sounds corny fellas but i'll always remember where i was when i heard my first big star song..the internet.
Totally wrote:also to the really creepily obsessed kid frothing NON-US SPORTS GEAR IS A COMPLEXITY-SIGNALING DEVICE FOR AGEING HIPSTER ACOLYTES WHO DOWNLOAD MOANA: I have a lot of friends (and an apartment) in Geelong. Get a fuckin life man.
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Postby RIXX » Tue May 22, 2018 9:22 pm

has anyone read the book tweak by nic sheff?

apparently they adapted it into a film with tim chalamet and steve carell
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Postby big zorb » Tue May 22, 2018 9:41 pm

i am not completely sober (usually drink on fridays and saturdays only now though which is a pretty big improvement from like 15 beers a day for a year solid toward the end of my huge depressive spell) but i agree with nathan, it is nuts how good i felt today even when i had a bad night's sober sleep. just waking up and realizing the only thing i had to face today was being a bit tired and not, you know, hangover stomach or hiding shakes or any of that shit got me out of the tired rut so quickly. very much gives me confidence that if i ever want to just say fuck it, i'm out of this completely, i totally could.
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Postby something sensible if » Thu May 24, 2018 4:48 pm

i drank only on the weekends for like 6 years and quitting was the hardest thing ive ever done in my life
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Postby something sensible if » Thu May 24, 2018 5:19 pm

neh
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Postby j-ol » Thu May 24, 2018 5:40 pm

bongo wrote:also - ctw, other people who strike me as more versed in recovery lit - what are some titles that have been valuable to you?

i am interested in john berrymans "the recovery" right now, may pick that up next


i think i'll pick up jamison's book, even though i normally steer clear of hardcover editions. y'all have piqued my interest in this one... recovery memoirs are sorta dime/dozen but i'm drawn to the existence of a literary account that discusses the relationship between intoxication and creativity, devotes a chapter to carver, etc. will report back!

i found marc lewis' memoirs of an addicted brain to be really insightful. he's a developmental psychologist/neuroscientist who battled polysubstance addiction for years, got kicked out of grad school for stealing and getting high on research chemicals, and is now a professor in holland who debates nora volkow about whether addiction is a diease. his newer work, the biology of desire, is essential reading as well imo.

oh and def read mate's in the realm of hungry ghosts.
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Postby bongo » Sat May 26, 2018 6:57 pm

i’m at a wedding and i realized it’s my first sober wedding as an adult. usually would be pounding bourbons and wine and ultimately making a fool of myself/doing something inappropriate/blacking out

been playing with some kids and taking peoples pictures and talking to a woman who just turned 102(!) and drinking dr browns root beer. it’s great!
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
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Postby antoine » Sat May 26, 2018 7:12 pm

j-ol wrote:
bongo wrote:also - ctw, other people who strike me as more versed in recovery lit - what are some titles that have been valuable to you?

i am interested in john berrymans "the recovery" right now, may pick that up next


i think i'll pick up jamison's book, even though i normally steer clear of hardcover editions. y'all have piqued my interest in this one... recovery memoirs are sorta dime/dozen but i'm drawn to the existence of a literary account that discusses the relationship between intoxication and creativity, devotes a chapter to carver, etc. will report back!

i found marc lewis' memoirs of an addicted brain to be really insightful. he's a developmental psychologist/neuroscientist who battled polysubstance addiction for years, got kicked out of grad school for stealing and getting high on research chemicals, and is now a professor in holland who debates nora volkow about whether addiction is a diease. his newer work, the biology of desire, is essential reading as well imo.

oh and def read mate's in the realm of hungry ghosts.

Yeah I read memoirs of an addicted brain and really liked it. All the details of the neuroscience behind why we crave drugs/alcohol was interesting. Like there's a whole biological level behind everything, it's not just "I like drinking that's why I drink". It's interesting to think about how much agency we really have when so much of it is driven by this or that amount of chemicals joining and guiding our decisions and wants and desires.
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Postby ripersnifle » Sat May 26, 2018 9:13 pm

bongo wrote:i’m at a wedding and i realized it’s my first sober wedding as an adult. usually would be pounding bourbons and wine and ultimately making a fool of myself/doing something inappropriate/blacking out

been playing with some kids and taking peoples pictures and talking to a woman who just turned 102(!) and drinking dr browns root beer. it’s great!
this is sick and exactly what i plan on doing at one in Aug.
steakspoon wrote:sorry if sounds corny fellas but i'll always remember where i was when i heard my first big star song..the internet.
Totally wrote:also to the really creepily obsessed kid frothing NON-US SPORTS GEAR IS A COMPLEXITY-SIGNALING DEVICE FOR AGEING HIPSTER ACOLYTES WHO DOWNLOAD MOANA: I have a lot of friends (and an apartment) in Geelong. Get a fuckin life man.
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Postby bear » Thu May 31, 2018 12:34 am

a bit of a ramble about how I'm feeling

I'm having a hard time this week. I feel shitty, aimless, alone, dumb, unaccomplished, wishing I didn't care about being accomplished ... falling into old habits I've slowly pried myself from, mostly compulsive computer use. I dunno. I was just on vacation, and my whole routine got screwed up. I was running a bunch for a race, but now that's over, and my running really has slacked. thinking out loud through typing here.. I guess like, I have to remember how important all that small stuff is in aggregate. the exercise and the fulfilling habits. and if I just stick to taking care of the small stuff the "who am I and what am I doing with my life" doubts kind of fall away. but then part of me thinks maybe .. that's a bad thing? am I band-aiding legitimate concerns? maybe I _should_ be questioning my life's direction? but also like, staying clean is the most important thing .. and i'm getting ahead of myself, and losing perspective.. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .. I just have a lot of shame around not being good enough or smart enough to work through
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Postby average deceiver » Thu May 31, 2018 1:21 am

how'd the race go?
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slaw on the side....... let it ride


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Postby bear » Thu May 31, 2018 1:39 am

it went really well!
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Postby john plainman » Thu May 31, 2018 3:59 am

Life doesn't wait around for me to recover from over a decade of self destruction. It's not the abstaining that's hard for me anymore, it's trying to be productive, responsible, and mentally well now that my brain doesn't have it's regular intake of weed, nicotine, and alcohol

It's been over three months now and it bums me out that I don't feel much different. Not really better, maybe even worse... Less heartburn/chestpains at least.

I just want to stay in bed for a year, or like, check into a psych waff, but I have so many people relying on me in some form. Fuck!
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Postby tea preacher » Thu May 31, 2018 6:41 am

john plainman wrote:Life doesn't wait around for me to recover from over a decade of self destruction. It's not the abstaining that's hard for me anymore, it's trying to be productive, responsible, and mentally well now that my brain doesn't have it's regular intake of weed, nicotine, and alcohol

It's been over three months now and it bums me out that I don't feel much different. Not really better, maybe even worse... Less heartburn/chestpains at least.

I just want to stay in bed for a year, or like, check into a psych waff, but I have so many people relying on me in some form. Fuck!


Early sobriety is rough man, hang in there. I’ve spent a good amount of time lately reminiscing (probably the wrong word) about how raw I felt coming in to AA. That feeling definitely lasted a few months (6 at least), and I had a “soft bottom” - no DUI, etc. Anyway, I say that not to depress you, but maybe suggest your expectations are a little high for how things are supposed to feel at this point.

At the end of the day if you can go to bed each night and haven’t drank or taken a drug, that’s a victory.
you'll never hear me talk about one day getting out
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Postby bongo » Thu May 31, 2018 7:09 am

hang in there bear and pierrot i’m proud of both of you guys. both of your posts resonate with me for different reasons and i have been/sometimes am in a similar place. this helps me: try to remember that these raw/hard/total shit feelings are the stuff of humanity and life. that there’s a great value in dealing with them authentically and not blunting or obliterating them. keep it up.
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Postby RIXX » Thu May 31, 2018 7:42 am

i didn't really feel better after getting sober for like a year after, and that was only when i confronted the reasons behind why i couldn't feel at ease alone with myself without some sort of substance abuse or addictive behavior

but i did turn into World's Biggest 'Morning Person' almost immediately. i like go to the gym at 6AM and stroll into work at 7AM voluntarily now just to hang out in peace before people get there

anyway what up fam..got the thread book...i've only read the first couple of pages so far and i love her prose and i haven't been this excited about a book in a while. i told a friend about it yesterday and he gave me shit and was like "my only book is the BIG BOOK" and i was like ok whatever dude
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Postby RIXX » Thu May 31, 2018 7:45 am

I tried taking that picture like Dave Bautista "Power & the Glory" and it just didn't work out, unfortunately
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Postby bongo » Thu May 31, 2018 7:55 am

the cult of the big book is so unfortunate in the way that it kind of moralizes/shames/seeks to invalidate other recovery literature (and even recovery outside of AA as such). of course i understand why it’s this way (we bind ourselves most completely to the things that we need for surivival and sanity, blind spots be damned) it would be nice if it could soften a bit

the jamison book actually got me interested in AA, generated an awareness of and respect for it in me that gets buried by both the cultural location AA has been slotted into and by the exclusionary/cliquey/“your recovery is less valid than mine because you aren’t in meetings” vibe i get from some adherents i’ve encountered personally
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