Sobriety

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in

Postby Cone » Wed Nov 29, 2017 9:28 am

Thanks guys. I just feel really weak right now and am willing to try anything.
User avatar
Cone
 
Posts: 14170
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2011 5:58 am

Postby j-ol » Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:32 pm

lots of 12-step talk in here, but does anyone attend SMART recovery meetings? not sure how widespread it is in the usa.
User avatar
j-ol
 
Posts: 5540
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:22 pm

Postby goldsoundz » Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:41 pm

i went to a couple when i was first starting out. i quickly realized they were not for me, but if you're looking for something in the 12-step ilk without the baggage of AA i would give it a try
User avatar
goldsoundz
 
Posts: 3135
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:45 pm
Location: chicago

Postby Jerome » Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:32 pm

can't wrote:I have hit lows in sobriety just as crushing if not more than when I drank. The more options I have to get out of that head space the better. I have found that listening to other's stories helps put mine in perspective or negates them so they just don't even matter for a while.


this is very true. about a month ago i hit three years of sobriety, and hit a very low mental space. important to just talk to others about it and listen to their stories to get you our of your own head. the app AA Big Book has daily speaker tapes that can be very helpful.
User avatar
Jerome
 
Posts: 990
Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2012 6:11 pm

Postby dvr » Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:57 pm

j-ol wrote:lots of 12-step talk in here, but does anyone attend SMART recovery meetings? not sure how widespread it is in the usa.


I haven't.

I never felt any baggage was attached to the AA meetings though. Nothing but positive experiences, super glad I went to the five I did.

My lows during sobriety can't compare to my lows when I was drinking. Like feeling lethargic, depressed, tired, and worthless is one thing. Feeling all that while smelling your vomit in the other room laying in your bed on Christmas Day worried your heart is gonna stop beating is another.
User avatar
dvr
 
Posts: 4200
Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2009 3:50 pm

Postby antoine » Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:05 am

j-ol wrote:lots of 12-step talk in here, but does anyone attend SMART recovery meetings? not sure how widespread it is in the usa.

was gonna mention this. my counselor has mentioned these to me several times, thought about checking them out.
User avatar
antoine
 
Posts: 52659
Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:32 pm

Postby mascotte » Fri Dec 15, 2017 2:35 pm

I thought that the cravings got me and almost had a relapse. Eventually I ended up in the local AA "Helping Hand" club. I haven't attended a meeting for 6 months, and have forgotten the relief I felt when we stand in circle and meditate for a short while.

Image
User avatar
mascotte
 
Posts: 5354
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2011 2:18 pm
Location: Poland

Postby ashtrayheart » Fri Dec 15, 2017 2:54 pm

i went to smart meetings for about 3 months when i first went sober and i thought they were helpful to get me started. it all depends on the group i suppose. it was helpful to have a social outlet early on (even if it's not like casual fun social it's still a social interaction which always has benefits) if you're coming from a place where everything you do outside the house has booze. i played in a few bands at the time so EVERYTHING i did besides play video games was accompanied by alcohol. it was important for me to have a meeting like that. i also found a lot of sound advice and basic techniques to deal with anxiety and cravings. id recommend something like that to get your feet wet but i also think most of it comes from within and it's a personal journey that's different for everyone.

i realized i had a drinking problem in october of 2015, desperately tried to quit and moved back home to do so in april, and finally actually stopped in november around the same time i started meetings.
User avatar
ashtrayheart
 
Posts: 1575
Joined: Fri Oct 04, 2013 12:02 am

Postby Late Bloomer » Fri Dec 15, 2017 2:56 pm

j-ol wrote:lots of 12-step talk in here, but does anyone attend SMART recovery meetings? not sure how widespread it is in the usa.


I've been to SMART meetings about 10-12 times. I personally found them to be a lot more useful than AA* - and they were especially useful in giving me some different ideas/tools for dealing with cravings when I first stopped drinking. if you have them in your area, I'd definitely recommend checking one out and seeing if it's a good fit for you. I don't think they're that widespread in the US, though. I live in Portland and there's quite a lot of them here, but apparently there aren't any in SF, for example, which implies that it's not that common (not sure why there's so many in Portland?) But if there are some in your area, I'd say it's worth checking out.

*I tried to go a few AA meetings but I was never able to find the "right" meeting for me - every one I went to was huge and didn't really help me out much. Nothing against AA, and I might try to go some different meetings in the future.
User avatar
Late Bloomer
 
Posts: 137
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 3:49 pm

Postby Dawn Running Bear » Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:02 pm

1000 days today.

Life is still life. People still let me down. I'm still letting others down. I just fibbed about having plans to a fellow in the brotherhood about having plans. This is right after the gal I thought I had plans with decided she'd rather be alone today. I can't reconcile the two.

My actions, intentions, and feelings aren't matching up.

I suppose it's my selfishness, letting my feelings be more important than her feelings, or his feelings. I don't know.

1000 days sober, and people are still people. I am not perfect but I’m getting better. I want to better myself with acceptance and expectations.

The reality is it’s just another day. A day at a time, one moment at a time, accepting hardship as the pathway peace. The hardships are in my head though, they always have been, and I have to realize whatever is going on in my mind is no more important than what’s going on in anyone else’s.

I goofed up on that today. I thought there was a plan and it didn’t work out, and that should be ok. It IS ok. It’s not the first and not the last time that will happen, but it’s not hard for to think it’s no it’s more than that and try to impose my will and weasel my way into some sort of excuse to get what I want regardless of what is actually happening.

My intentions: to get what I want

My actions: act like an asshole

I’m not helping anyone by being a selfish asshole. I can do better. I’m getting better, but I thought I would be better than this by now.

More than the disappointment of the day has transformed into disappointment in myself once I realized what I was doing.

I got no brakes. I need to learn to pause and breathe and physically take a step back. I’m fucking working on it but it’s so hard in the moment.



The pendulum of emotion doesn’t swing as far as it used too, but it still runs me I’m ashamed to say, and it’s fucking embarrassing and I don’t want to ruin anything anymore with my self-will running riot.

I’m not writing today off as a failure yet, I can still learn and practice being a good man, but I’ll be damned if I don’t feel like shit. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be just a little bit better.

I’m sorry to everyone I’ve been an ass to, tried to manipulate or tried to get my way when it didn’t match theirs. I’ve learned a precious lesson today and it may be better than the day I was expecting.
User avatar
Dawn Running Bear
 
Posts: 1537
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:52 pm

Postby lockheed » Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:37 pm

i'm not totally sure i understand what you did that prompted such self-castigation, but maybe you're being a bit hard on yourself. Any alcoholic is definitely paranoid about that kind of selfish thought/manipulation that governed most of his or her behavior when he or she was still drinking, how the habit necessarily objectified/reduced the outside world/other people, and i can understand that you want to make sure you aren't still like that, but keep in mind anyone, alcoholic or not, who's trying to be a decent person has to contend and be accountable for behaving like that sometimes, too. maybe don't let a lot of guilt from past behavior worry you so much about these minor moments or actions that i guess trigger memories of how you were as a drinker.

congrats on 1000 days by the way.
Nice day if it doesn't rain.
User avatar
lockheed
big chief asshole
 
Posts: 13433
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:42 pm
Location: Home

Postby tea preacher » Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:46 pm

“Ass-kicking machine” is what it’s referred to at the meetings I go to and definitely I think it can be taken too far. I have a tendency to dwell on bad shit I’ve done too, which beyond step work is not productive. If you’re not drinking or drugging then you’re in a really good place. “Spiritual progress not perfection” and all that.
you'll never hear me talk about one day getting out
User avatar
tea preacher
 
Posts: 587
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:37 pm

Postby Dawn Running Bear » Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:55 pm

Thanks guys

After she decided not to hang out I called a couple times and texted and tried, though I didn't realize it at the time, to get my foot in the door, drop off her Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVDs, do anything to disrupt her plans with mine. I can do better.
User avatar
Dawn Running Bear
 
Posts: 1537
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:52 pm

Postby Dawn Running Bear » Fri Dec 22, 2017 1:35 am

I'm fine, guys.

I've started smoking again after a year and a half.

I'm going to let a bro from the program tattoo the Camel logo over my heart

I've joined Tinder

and I'm going to get a nipple pierced.

life is good
User avatar
Dawn Running Bear
 
Posts: 1537
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:52 pm

Postby dvr » Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:00 pm

hell yeah
User avatar
dvr
 
Posts: 4200
Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2009 3:50 pm

Postby bongo » Wed Dec 27, 2017 9:22 am

closing out 10 months here. feeling really good. so much remarkable stuff has happened in my life in that time period that im really sure would not have if i was still drinking. i had a kid, career pivoted from copywriting/branding/teaching college to software development (landed a great first dev job - my first "real" job after a lifetime in the freelance/adjunct game), recorded a new/very different record that im excited about, im starting a new sublabel focusing on a broader range of styles than what students of decay has become identified with... all very good things.

i still have moments where i consider whether i could possibly drink again, though i dont feel at risk per se. i force myself to reflect each time these thoughts dawn on me and, really, there are no truly compelling reasons for me to actually drink again, only silly, superficial stuff. like i find myself thinking "itd be nice to have a beer with _______ and catch up," a line of thought predicated on some like, skewed nostalgia and not actually at all consistent with how ive ever drank - more likely a "catchup beer or two" would turn into lapping whoever i met up with multiple times over -> solo trip to a subsequent bar/attempts to meet up with someone else to drink with -> multi-day bender. i tell myself, and to an extent believe, that theres no way i could drink the way i used to with a newborn and a stressful 8-5, but i am not foolish enough to roll the dice. no goddamn way.

beyond that i continue to have these great, affirming experiences while doing things sober that ive never done before in my adult life... drinking herbal tea during holiday parties late into the night, being a sort of stable, positive presence for people who have drank too much, spending lots of time with children... just generally being accountable and present, not numb, not mischievous or wild-eyed.

things are good i guess. im tired all the time from parenting and working and i eat too many pastries but im actually stable, not manic, not having panic attacks and feel maybe for the first time a bit proud of myself (?)
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68876
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby bear » Wed Dec 27, 2017 9:36 am

that's awesome bingo
hpn.center - the #1 source for all your boarding needs
User avatar
bear
good bear
 
Posts: 3821
Joined: Sat Dec 19, 2009 12:32 am

Postby bear » Wed Dec 27, 2017 9:37 am

can't wait to hear your record!!
hpn.center - the #1 source for all your boarding needs
User avatar
bear
good bear
 
Posts: 3821
Joined: Sat Dec 19, 2009 12:32 am

Postby bongo » Wed Dec 27, 2017 9:48 am

:)
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68876
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby nice pass » Wed Dec 27, 2017 10:01 am

nice. please post again. im like 5 weeks sobré
User avatar
nice pass
ok
 
Posts: 4759
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 2:23 pm

Postby antoine » Wed Dec 27, 2017 10:13 am

bongo wrote:closing out 10 months here. feeling really good. so much remarkable stuff has happened in my life in that time period that im really sure would not have if i was still drinking. i had a kid, career pivoted from copywriting/branding/teaching college to software development (landed a great first dev job - my first "real" job after a lifetime in the freelance/adjunct game), recorded a new/very different record that im excited about, im starting a new sublabel focusing on a broader range of styles than what students of decay has become identified with... all very good things.

i still have moments where i consider whether i could possibly drink again, though i dont feel at risk per se. i force myself to reflect each time these thoughts dawn on me and, really, there are no truly compelling reasons for me to actually drink again, only silly, superficial stuff. like i find myself thinking "itd be nice to have a beer with _______ and catch up," a line of thought predicated on some like, skewed nostalgia and not actually at all consistent with how ive ever drank - more likely a "catchup beer or two" would turn into lapping whoever i met up with multiple times over -> solo trip to a subsequent bar/attempts to meet up with someone else to drink with -> multi-day bender. i tell myself, and to an extent believe, that theres no way i could drink the way i used to with a newborn and a stressful 8-5, but i am not foolish enough to roll the dice. no goddamn way.

beyond that i continue to have these great, affirming experiences while doing things sober that ive never done before in my adult life... drinking herbal tea during holiday parties late into the night, being a sort of stable, positive presence for people who have drank too much, spending lots of time with children... just generally being accountable and present, not numb, not mischievous or wild-eyed.

things are good i guess. im tired all the time from parenting and working and i eat too many pastries but im actually stable, not manic, not having panic attacks and feel maybe for the first time a bit proud of myself (?)

Congrats man. That's really awesome. Hope I can get to something like this kind of stability in the near future. I'm at 18 months.
User avatar
antoine
 
Posts: 52659
Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:32 pm

Postby mead » Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:11 pm

that is an incredible update

congratulations, bingo
User avatar
mead
 
Posts: 2104
Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2016 3:55 pm
Location: la brea tar pits

Postby lockheed » Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:38 pm

excellent, bingo. and congratulations. i'll have 6 months in about 3 weeks and i've said it in this thread before, but i also feel proud of myself for a lot of things i've been able to do and be now that i'm sober. i can't say i have big things i can write down, but a fucking lot of small things that i certainly would not have or have done if i were still drinking. in many ways, i feel like my life is taking definite shape to the extent that i'm setting myself up for the rest of my 30's at the very least, which feels like a life completely different from the one i had during the back 5 of my 20's. I'll have 6 months the day before my 31st birthday (january 21st) and i couldn't be happier about what my life is currently like, besides not having a real job yet. i got sober toward the end of july and even just the process of repairing all these little broken things, through motivation or reliability/trustworthiness, or simply doing small, essential things every day, has been such a pleasure. by essential i mean something different than necessary tasks, more like things that are good and thoughtful and kind in their own very minor way, although those are often indistinguishable from necessary tasks.

or doing bigger things, like leaving the country for the first time in my life and spending nearly a week in paris without drinking or desiring to drink and enjoying myself and my company very much. there is quite a bit to be said about how much pleasure there is in all the things you already love doing or love to seek out.

there is also a recurring newness to sobriety that is incredibly enjoyable as well. or what being sober allows you to encounter, i guess.

i could say a lot more but i think i'll wait a little while longer for a proper long-form reflection piece. i feel you, though.
Last edited by lockheed on Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Nice day if it doesn't rain.
User avatar
lockheed
big chief asshole
 
Posts: 13433
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:42 pm
Location: Home

Postby bongo » Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:49 pm

thanks guys, congrats to you too lockheed
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa american nostalgia love it suburban living civilized families this could be my life
User avatar
bongo
man in hammock
 
Posts: 68876
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:32 pm
Location: Malaise (Live Acoustic)

Postby Organic Croutons » Wed Dec 27, 2017 3:57 pm

I've got almost five months and I love whenever this thread is updated. It's been a big help for me. (and AA...)

If any of the NY bros ever want to catch a meeting together I'm down. I go around Flatiron/E Village/Wburg/Greenpoint every other day is my cadence.

In my 5 months (again no huge accomplishments but little milestones and steps in the right direction are still eye opening and important) I've got a dog who I love more than anything and take great care of him. I never would've been able to do that while drinking and using. I went to Sri Lanka for almost 2 weeks sober. Had (and ended) a relationship which either beginning or ending wouldve been much more clouded while active. Gotten my apartment cleaner and kept it cleaner (still messy but it's a work in progress). Getting my finances more in order. Getting more organized. Being a better friend and family member.

Still making daily mistakes, but less of them, and moving more and more towards who and what I want to be. I realized all I ever cared about before was money, girls, and partying. A pretty empty existence. I experienced all there was to experience in partying. Nothing new was happening. It was the same story I had read 1000 times before, just less exciting each new occurrence.
Organic Croutons
 
Posts: 488
Joined: Sun Aug 01, 2010 8:08 pm
Location: urban outfitters

Postby lockheed » Wed Dec 27, 2017 4:17 pm

oh hey croutons, i'll have to pm you about meetings, that's basically my beat as well, although i haven't gone to one in at least a month, maybe longer and more so wburg/greenpoint these days than manhattan since i'm just not over there that often, but i reckon we probably favor some of the same ones in brooklyn.
Nice day if it doesn't rain.
User avatar
lockheed
big chief asshole
 
Posts: 13433
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:42 pm
Location: Home

Postby goldsoundz » Wed Dec 27, 2017 5:38 pm

great job to everyone

today is 18 months for me :)
User avatar
goldsoundz
 
Posts: 3135
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:45 pm
Location: chicago

Postby Classic Dog Avatar » Wed Dec 27, 2017 5:42 pm

Congrats to those stronger than me
User avatar
Classic Dog Avatar
ride.
 
Posts: 10613
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:48 pm

Postby antoine » Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:03 pm

lockheed wrote:excellent, bingo. and congratulations. i'll have 6 months in about 3 weeks and i've said it in this thread before, but i also feel proud of myself for a lot of things i've been able to do and be now that i'm sober. i can't say i have big things i can write down, but a fucking lot of small things that i certainly would not have or have done if i were still drinking. in many ways, i feel like my life is taking definite shape to the extent that i'm setting myself up for the rest of my 30's at the very least, which feels like a life completely different from the one i had during the back 5 of my 20's. I'll have 6 months the day before my 31st birthday (january 21st) and i couldn't be happier about what my life is currently like, besides not having a real job yet. i got sober toward the end of july and even just the process of repairing all these little broken things, through motivation or reliability/trustworthiness, or simply doing small, essential things every day, has been such a pleasure. by essential i mean something different than necessary tasks, more like things that are good and thoughtful and kind in their own very minor way, although those are often indistinguishable from necessary tasks.

or doing bigger things, like leaving the country for the first time in my life and spending nearly a week in paris without drinking or desiring to drink and enjoying myself and my company very much. there is quite a bit to be said about how much pleasure there is in all the things you already love doing or love to seek out.

there is also a recurring newness to sobriety that is incredibly enjoyable as well. or what being sober allows you to encounter, i guess.

i could say a lot more but i think i'll wait a little while longer for a proper long-form reflection piece. i feel you, though.

Great post and congrats. I feel you with regard to taking little steps that feel like they could be leading to something bigger. In the past month I got certified to be a Peer Support person and had a job interview today. I'm hoping I get it and am looking forward to working in the field. I've also made some progress on grad school apps for Masters in Counseling. If I can get them in by the deadlines and get this job (or another job in the same field) I'll be feeling pretty good. Keep it up. 8-)
User avatar
antoine
 
Posts: 52659
Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:32 pm

Postby antoine » Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:05 pm

Honestly I think I might just live and post itt from now on. The rest of this board is bad for me and my mental health. This is the most positive thread on here imo. Congrats to everyone.
User avatar
antoine
 
Posts: 52659
Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:32 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Mamma Mia... Here We Go Again....

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: 10cc, a-10 warthog champion, alaska, ashtrayheart, Autarch, average deceiver, baka baka, Bartatua, black drum, bluemovers, bobble, Brain Stew, bruceagain, buzzard, carlagain, Celiac Cruz, chad, clownwig, conductor, Cronos, danslog, death is my amigo, Destroid, Dinosauria We, douchechill, dr. badvibes, Dr. Fishopolis, draw, drudge, Eyeball Kid, Ferrous Bueller, flimsy, frito pie country, future rhombus, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, gallits, Gibson Rickenbacker, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, gradient, hbb, Hideaway Lights, hideout, hologram, honeypie, Hugh, hyperbole man, i won a contest, iacus, important dentist, Infinite Jost, internethandle, Jake SPEED, jalapeño ranch, jon, Julius Sumner Miller, kash attick, Kev E Fly, Kiki, Kuboaa, lalakoala, light rail coyote, loaf angel, Lucky, Magazine, mcwop23, Mesh, mesic, milknight, mortimer, moses, multipass, my piano, mynameisdan, new blood, old hat, nosebleeds, odilon redon, Oh! Sweet Nuthin', palmer eldritch, Quizzical, rankoutsider, ripersnifle, sex cauldron, shacky, Shotfrog, sideshow raheem, snuggle, someguy, speakers, spix et chicho, Steve & Co, surly, Sutro, sympathy, terrific bedwetter, tricky, winjer, WussWayne, xxx-xxx-xxxx