Sobriety

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
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Postby something sensible if » Sat Feb 17, 2018 8:04 am

i feel like i cycled through a bunch of mantras over the course of many months but i haven't really had any in a long while. it's weird i don't really remember exactly what they might have been. just sort of a summary of the last sobriety related epiphany i was having.

its been like 2.5 years since ive had a drink and i feel like i still fucking love getting drunk.
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Postby bear » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:12 am

shacky wrote:do you guys have mantras

im trying moderation and they're surprisingly helpful for me


"the things you put before your recovery you will lose"
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Postby bongo » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:38 am

“you know how it will go”
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Postby antoine » Sat Feb 17, 2018 7:31 pm

I've been in a real depressive spell and wanting to drink again, or not really wanting to but kind of romanticizing the allure of the escape that drinking represents. That old "fuck the world" mentality is really tempting to get lost in and it made me think "if I want to fucking drink I'll fucking drink and it doesn't matter and no one can stop me" and I get a weird thrill out of that idea. But I can't bring myself to really believe in that anymore. I think I'm at a point where my sobriety is pretty ingrained and as much as part of me wants to "try it again" like something sensible did I don't think I can actually bring myself to do it. Maybe if something goes catastrophically wrong, but even that is stupid to me now. Like I said, I read "Leaving Las Vegas", which while harsh about some of the realities of alcoholism it romanticizes it too. Drinking one's self to death becomes this sort of noble journey of the self that leads to death but also love, even if it is a pitiable form of love. It's a good book but I don't think it quite captures the utter annihilation of the self that people who die from drinking endure. Then I watched Dallas Buyers Club and after Woodard gets his diagnosis he's shown binge drinking and drugging and there's no heroism there. It's admitting defeat. He couldn't have started the Buyer's Club or helped anyone if he had just stayed fucked up until he died. That movie isn't about substance abuse and it glosses over his pretty apparent drinking problem but that still struck me. Then I read the Jason Molina biography and his final alcoholic descent towards self destruction is really harrowing. There's no romance to it at all. There's only degradation and pain and the ever widening circle of pain that his alcoholism caused to those who loved him. It hit really close to home for me and what I experienced with my sister's alcoholism and made me remember the absolute chaos that kind of addiction creates. Anyway, I think I will stay sober for the time being.
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Postby tea preacher » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:00 pm

Have you read Knausgaard’s My Struggle series, particularly the early novels that chronicle his fathers alcohomism and death? Definitely no romance in that death by drinking either.
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Postby tea preacher » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:03 pm

bear wrote:
shacky wrote:do you guys have mantras

im trying moderation and they're surprisingly helpful for me


"the things you put before your recovery you will lose"


If AAisms count then “play the tape forward” is definitely mine.
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Postby antoine » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:11 pm

tea preacher wrote:Have you read Knausgaard’s My Struggle series, particularly the early novels that chronicle his fathers alcohomism and death? Definitely no romance in that death by drinking either.

I have not but I'll check them out.
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Postby bongo » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:36 pm

alcohol fucking sucks
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Postby shacky » Sun Feb 18, 2018 2:41 am

yeah it does. my mantra didn't go so well and for the second consecutive weekend found myself passing out in the street until raised to my feet by strangers/the police. im tired.
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Postby mascotte » Sun Feb 18, 2018 8:49 am

2 years have passed since I left rehab. It's been a rough ride but now I'm more sober than ever and I dont regret a minute of it. This week I quit my group therapy, time to move forward. I haven't felt any cravings in months, I wish they never come back (I know, I know). I started a new individual therapy, that woman has the Erickssonian background and I feel there's shitload of hatred, fear and anger passed from generation to generation in my family, its amazing I'm still alive.
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Postby milknight » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:49 am

Havent drank in a month and im gonna keep going. I never realized how much drinking was fucking with my life until i took a step away from my “routine”. Idk if i should ever go back but im definitely not the forseeable future. Only hard thing will be not drinking on vacation in mexico city in a month but i think i can do it. It would be cool to remember a vacation
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Postby bongo » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:50 am

nice dude!
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Postby milknight » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:53 am

Thanks man. Im lucky i have lots of friends who dont/barely drink which is unusual so the first month was mostly a breeze. I know it wont always be like that though. Dating/weddings/travel are things im worried about but i guess ill cross those bridges when i get to them. I really havent missed it yet tho i just need to not let that lull me into having one bc im pretty sure i know how that will go
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Postby bongo » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:54 am

im having a lot of drinking dreams still, i really dont like it

i take them to show just how deeply engaged with booze i was/am
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Postby tea preacher » Mon Feb 19, 2018 10:11 am

bongo wrote:im having a lot of drinking dreams still, i really dont like it

i take them to show just how deeply engaged with booze i was/am


These peaked at 1 year sobriety for me and that seems to be pretty normal from what I’ve seen in AA. It passed and now I don’t have them anymore. I’m sure it will eventually pass for you too, though I know it’s hard to ride out. Not that you won’t have them periodically but it seems lots of people go through an intense cycle of these around 1 year. Hang in there.
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Postby bongo » Mon Feb 19, 2018 10:53 am

thanks :)

mostly its just annoying. like last night i had this weird one about going to a strange pony keg bar with my mom and being very conflicted but ultimately getting a drink and catching a buzz and running into dreampeople who were asking me if i was ok because the last time theyd seen me id been suicidal and blacked out
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Postby pokethedoke » Fri Feb 23, 2018 7:15 pm

Man never drinking again
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Postby came to wreck » Fri Feb 23, 2018 7:24 pm

its possible poke!
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Postby ripersnifle » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:22 pm

you know what's a fun Sobriety thing i enjoy? justifying a purchase as "my beer money" lol
"hellyeah, i'm gonna buy these 2 Cookies 'N Cream Milk2Gos!! with my beer money!!!"
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Postby ripersnifle » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:24 pm

does anyone else have things they enjoy indulging in as like a playful substitute for alcohol purchases? i've kinda found flavoured milks, for whatever reason, are my shit recently.
Last edited by ripersnifle on Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby ripersnifle » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:26 pm

(i find that it kind of helps me take my mind off buying liquor when i'm in a store that stocks liquor and also my favourite indulgence thing of the moment.)
steakspoon wrote:sorry if sounds corny fellas but i'll always remember where i was when i heard my first big star song..the internet.
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Postby bongo » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:29 pm

pastries
eastern european mineral water
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Postby bongo » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:29 pm

i want a cookie n cream milk now
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Postby ripersnifle » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:31 pm

pastries are also extremely my shit rn, nice
steakspoon wrote:sorry if sounds corny fellas but i'll always remember where i was when i heard my first big star song..the internet.
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Postby antoine » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:32 pm

ripersnifle wrote:you know what's a fun Sobriety thing i enjoy? justifying a purchase as "my beer money" lol
"hellyeah, i'm gonna buy these 2 Cookies 'N Cream Milk2Gos!! with my beer money!!!"

This is a slippery slope
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Postby antoine » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:33 pm

Not towards drinking but towards wasting tons of money for no reason and I do it all the time
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Postby ripersnifle » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:39 pm

antoine wrote:Not towards drinking but towards wasting tons of money for no reason and I do it all the time
this is true. i could see how it evens out incrementally or something.
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Postby dvr » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:42 pm

ripersnifle wrote:pastries are also extremely my shit rn, nice


Apple fritters.

For a while it was real-sugar sodas, I'd have one a night. I eventually realized I'd suddenly be wide awake at 3 in the morning though from them.

Choc milk. I always think if that Spike Jonze shoe video short

Chips/salsa, nice little routine
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Postby RIXX » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:42 pm

antoine wrote:
ripersnifle wrote:you know what's a fun Sobriety thing i enjoy? justifying a purchase as "my beer money" lol
"hellyeah, i'm gonna buy these 2 Cookies 'N Cream Milk2Gos!! with my beer money!!!"

This is a slippery slope


yeah but I would encourage it to someone in early recovery. suddenly having that extra $$$ is a nice, sometimes unexpected perk of sobriety, and it's fun to go shopping and spend money on a new warddrobe for the new you

when i was abusing painkillers I was spending thousands of dollars a week on pills. 99.99% of my money went to drugs, I never spent a penny on myself for anything else. so when I got sober, I had more money than I knew what to do with, and purchasing new clothes and splurging on other things just felt so good and right
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Postby antoine » Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:48 pm

nonchalant wrote:
antoine wrote:
ripersnifle wrote:you know what's a fun Sobriety thing i enjoy? justifying a purchase as "my beer money" lol
"hellyeah, i'm gonna buy these 2 Cookies 'N Cream Milk2Gos!! with my beer money!!!"

This is a slippery slope


yeah but I would encourage it to someone in early recovery. suddenly having that extra $$$ is a nice, sometimes unexpected perk of sobriety, and it's fun to go shopping and spend money on a new warddrobe for the new you

when i was abusing painkillers I was spending thousands of dollars a week on pills. 99.99% of my money went to drugs, I never spent a penny on myself for anything else. so when I got sober, I had more money than I knew what to do with, and purchasing new clothes and splurging on other things just felt so good and right

Yeah I know. It's fine. Just saying it can become a new addiction/crutch.
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