Shadiest shit you've done

[Felix]

i sold about 0.2g of cocaine mixed with chalk to some kids in school
they thought it was awesome and came back for a little more but i didn't wanna overdo it and get caught

[Ted Pikul]

Peed all over the inside of a guy's car

[Ted Pikul]

Not like I was drunk, like I hated him and wanted his car to smell like pee

[Felix]

then i guess you did exactly the right thing

[lockheed]

hanging out with drug dealers/drug addicts because you wanna get drugs from them generally leads to shady shit being done.

i currently buy adderall on occasion from a girl who, when i met her, was at least a functioning public defender, but i would infer now that she is no longer professionally employed. i know she went back to new england for a little while, but, without explanation, ended up back in tampa in worse shape than ever before. i met up with her about 4 months ago in the dirt parking lot of a mexican restaurant on hillsborough avenue and she ambled up to my car clearly fucking doped up and barely keeping it together talking about how she was messed up and gonna do this and gonna do that. anyway i bought the adderall and thought to myself "i'm never dealing with her again, i can't help her generate money for her addiction". and then like three weeks ago she hit me up and we met at the same parking lot, but she seemed a lot better and less visibly destroyed.

[lockheed]

this girl is from the middle class, too.

[lockheed]

used to snort an at-the-time legal stimulant called "Recharge" all the time when i worked at an ice cream shop on davis island right after i graduated college.

[lockheed]

once bought ritalin from a burnout kid named tom tom in a closet at this condo on harbour island because his brother and little nephew were sleeping in the room. once bought weed from a kid whose house was an actual hoarders episode except more like those youtube cooking videos with that maniac guy where it's all trash and disgusting shit and rotting plates. i think they had criminally neglectful parents with major problems of their own.

[lockheed]

the summer after i graduated college i was dating my ex-girlfriend from high school, with whom i once had a really long, serious relationship. she didn't drink at all and, at the time, i had kind of a drinking problem. i convinced her that every tuesday i go out to this specific bar and hang out with my friends and acquaintances and have a good time and how much it means to me. so she says ok no big deal, but stays at home and i go to the bar by myself. i get totally loaded and by 2am i hop in my car to drive home and crawl into bed. as i'm driving down kennedy blvd. i see the mcdonalds and steer into the parking lot. at this point i black out and wake up 2 hours later with my car suspended like a see-saw halfway over a landscaped concrete partition separating the back of the drive-thru from a residential street. i wake up and immediately panic, try to start my car, and the battery's dead. so i approach an hispanic guy who's sweeping the parking lot and he finds a woman inside who'll jump my car, but doesn't have cables. so i walk to the walmart grocery store across the street and buy cables so she can jump my car. she jumps my car successfully and then i figure fuck it i'll gets some breakfast sandwiches, so i pull in the drive thru and order some food. as i get to the window i give her an extra $10 for giving me a jump my car overheats and i pull into a parking spot. the hispanic guy and his friend fill up an empty pickle bucket with water and give it to me so i can get home. when i get home i tell my girlfriend that my car broke down twice, i had to walk to get help, my phone was dead, etc etc.

we don't talk anymore, but i would imagine she still doesn't think otherwise about this particular event, even though all my friends know the truth.

[Dinosauria We]

another couple i thought of this morning:

1. i was in a band in high school and we played at this party being held by some christian guy. we got really blazed before heading in there and we only brought along a bass and synthesizer. anyway, long story short, we ended up covering the kids basement, including party-goers in white flour as "performance art." in ended up screwing with the other bands' gear, rendering it useless. in the end, each of my buddies grabbed a box of pizza on the way out, with a couple of 2-liters a piece, ate them in the guy's front lawn and left the trash strewn about the grass.

2. before our after-prom-party held at the high school, a buddy and i got into the party space and dumped out all the soda down the sink and/or into the garbage. nobody drank any soda that day i can tell you.

[street hustler slokra]

i once stole the lindbergh baby

[nefarious]

the summer after i graduated college i was dating my ex-girlfriend from high school, with whom i once had a really long, serious relationship. she didn't drink at all and, at the time, i had kind of a drinking problem. i convinced her that every tuesday i go out to this specific bar and hang out with my friends and acquaintances and have a good time and how much it means to me. so she says ok no big deal, but stays at home and i go to the bar by myself. i get totally loaded and by 2am i hop in my car to drive home and crawl into bed. as i'm driving down kennedy blvd. i see the mcdonalds and steer into the parking lot. at this point i black out and wake up 2 hours later with my car suspended like a see-saw halfway over a landscaped concrete partition separating the back of the drive-thru from a residential street. i wake up and immediately panic, try to start my car, and the battery's dead. so i approach an hispanic guy who's sweeping the parking lot and he finds a woman inside who'll jump my car, but doesn't have cables. so i walk to the walmart grocery store across the street and buy cables so she can jump my car. she jumps my car successfully and then i figure fuck it i'll gets some breakfast sandwiches, so i pull in the drive thru and order some food. as i get to the window i give her an extra $10 for giving me a jump my car overheats and i pull into a parking spot. the hispanic guy and his friend fill up an empty pickle bucket with water and give it to me so i can get home. when i get home i tell my girlfriend that my car broke down twice, i had to walk to get help, my phone was dead, etc etc.

we don't talk anymore, but i would imagine she still doesn't think otherwise about this particular event, even though all my friends know the truth.

i thought this was gonna be real juicy and end you slammin that hog in the mickey d's bathroom or something but then it just fizzled out and was p boring.

[inbox]

When I was younger, us neighborhood kids had a bit of a mischievous streak. Did everything from putting those big TNT shaped smoke fireworks in unlocked cars to using construction cones and barriers to block off the end of a one way street just to see how late night drunks would deal with it. Used a water balloon launcher to shoot eggs at truck drivers on a beach highway. Best though was pooping in the cup on the 17th hole of an upscale local course, just imagining it heating up all morning and the first old man to pull the pin making an unintelligible grumble of disgust.

[Zaminium]

i once shot the window out of a moving car with a bb gun while i was hiding in the woods by the road

[tricky]

When I was in grade 9, there was this girl who was really nasty to me and my one friend. I was over at the friend's house one evening and we were in some chat room when some dude started talking to us. I don't remember most of the conversation but towards the end he said he wanted to have phone sex, so, we gave him the phone number of the girl who was really nasty to us. The next day at school we heard all about the girl getting screamed at by her mother about how she was a slut and then she got grounded for a month.

[Robo-Chachi]

Reminds me of when I used to spend the Summer with my cousin. We'd call people up and she'd leave answering machine messages saying she was pregnant.

[white mage]

upperdecked every public toilet possible in 7th grade

[white mage]

drank flavor extracts for alcohol

[white mage]

spent a few months fooling around with a chick with a history of sexual abuse and a long distance bf

[white mage]

pissed all over the single occupant bathroom in 3rd grade, just like absolutely soaking everything i could

teacher later told the class that 'someone needs to work on their aim'

[white mage]

some spazzy kid pissed me off at recess so i bit his hand. he had a rep for being crazy, so i just said that he was lying and totally got away with it

[Guy Incognito]

drunk coming home from the bars in college in late dec/early jan, my frienda and i saw fit to find a stranger's unlocked car and stuff a christmas tree from the curb inside it.

the asshole in me still finds this kinda funny, and it was most likely some 20 year old's shitty 1998 hyundai or something, but in retrospect that was pretty fuckin annoying.

[Robo-Chachi]

If they were Jewish, that could be a hate crime, Guy.

[HUMANIMAL]

drunk coming home from the bars in college in late dec/early jan, my frienda and i saw fit to find a stranger's unlocked car and stuff a christmas tree from the curb inside it.

the asshole in me still finds this kinda funny, and it was most likely some 20 year old's shitty 1998 hyundai or something, but in retrospect that was pretty fuckin annoying.

if this happened to me and nothing in car got ruined i would totally seem the humor

[an otter]

i can't begin to count the number of times i've cut through alleyways at night trying to meet friends and not be late, and sometimes it's after i've been drinking irresponsibly (but indoors)

[Zaminium]

If they were Jewish, that could be a hate crime, Guy.

I'm married.

[Guy Incognito]

counterpoint: if his car smelled like the average UVM student's car, we did him a pretty big favor

[Guy Incognito]

also in college, my same tree-stuffing friend, who has a propensity for drinking too much and getting angry/stupid, finished a bottle of whiskey and chucked it out his fourth story dorm window, narrowly missing a passing police officer. we all watched this happen and immediately sprinted from the room through the back door. we came back to a note on the door written on burlington police department stationary saying simply, "i will find you" but he never found us (or just stopped caring).

[nakedlunch]

oh here's one

when I was like 5 I stuck my finger in my buttcrack and wiped it on the butts of my sisters barbies

yesssssssss

I'm dying

[douchechill]

pissed in one of the washing machines in the basement of my dorm last year when i was drunk