WW XXXIV - Wolf Island - ISLANDERS WIN

There are worse ways to spend the time, but not many.

Postby portia » Fri Mar 24, 2017 1:55 pm

Mr. Poots farts loudly at VHB.

Why, I work my ass off to keep this island moving for a fucking week, and you silence me when a decision has already been made? you deny me my final words?

Mr. Poots finishes the very last fish taco left at the Anchor Inn, marches into the ballroom with an eerily regular stride, and mounts the stage in the ballroom.

Time to listen up, fuckos.
emotional fascism wrote:that was a bad post. i'd like to apologize to all board millennials.
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Postby VHB » Fri Mar 24, 2017 2:02 pm

It's more that I didn't want to silence Geoff, because I wanted to see what he did and how quickly he did it.

And now we all have
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Postby portia » Fri Mar 24, 2017 2:30 pm

Mr. Poots removes his monocle, wig, make-up, and fat suit. He is obviously not 69 years old.

Motherfuckers, I killed the Captain, but I did not kill the deputy. But I did kill the first mate, you groveling shits. I could give fuck all for your island life. I thought it would be a nice respite from my fintech job in New York, but my first night here - MY VERY FIRST FUCKING NIGHT - Ankh and Jimmy Firecracker, the latter probably hopped up on goofballs ("I'm Jimmy Firecracker and I'm driving a boat - fucked up!"), were speeding through the night in their trawler, their unruly wake snapping the real Mr. Poots' - my great, great-grandfather - longboard, which was bequeathed to me upon reaching puberty.

And then - to treat the Dogg like much less than even an animal when he was clearly innocent. To not even give him a boat, to expect him to doggy paddle across the ocean (where do you think the dinghy came from? My pockets, you poor hippies). You people disgust me, and I am glad that I will return to New York a free man - for not even your deputy cares enough about this shitrock to not run off at the slightest hint of money and fear. Nor your "Local Legend", a man that, if put on the waves with me, would be left choking on brine.

Pootis removes a plastic clown flower from his pants.

I never pissed myself, it was all a ruse. But let it be known that every last fart was genuine, that my shit, the shit of the man that killed your leaders, will forever be wafting through your respiratory systems. Even if it's just a molecule, a single molecule, you will breathe my shit until the last of your days - and may they be many, and may you remember that you carry the ass of the man that killed your pathetic "leaders" in a matter of days, that would still be among you enacting his revenge were it not for a stroke of bad luck in his refusal to accept inferior lodgings, unlike you Woolf Campground and Seafoam trash, inside of you to your very last.

Pootis kicks his gilded chair off the stage

Tabitha, Clarissa, you served me well, and I bear you no ill-will. Keep the chair (it's real) along with your satchels of money. You've earned them, and I am sorry for betraying your trust.

As for the rest of you - rest assured that I'll be fine in my penthouse summoning prostitutes and Whistlepig like a sordid magician, the white face powder replaced by something far more stimulating. And rest assured that you will never step foot on these beaches again without remembering the blood that has fed them.

Pootis farts and scampers off the stage and out to the docks.

So long, fuckos! And remember!

pootis wrote:
VHB wrote:Things sure got easier for the Psycho Killer, ya?


Qu'est-ce que c'est?


Run run run run, run run, run away.

Pootis drops a small origami crane at the end of the dock and hops in his boat

Image


As the befuddled crowd by the docks tries to process this strange scene, a small boy picks up the meticulously crafted crane, and, brimming with curiosity, unfolds it. There is only a single word upon it, in an impeccable script, drafted with an obviously fine pen.

"Jizzads!"
emotional fascism wrote:that was a bad post. i'd like to apologize to all board millennials.
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Postby VHB » Fri Mar 24, 2017 2:33 pm

So you didn't like the tacos then?
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Postby Casimir » Fri Mar 24, 2017 2:36 pm

The day is over.

Mr. Poots has left the island of his own free will. He was the Psycho Killer.

Please submit all night actions.
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Postby portia » Fri Mar 24, 2017 2:37 pm

A series of horn blasts sound from Pootis' boat as he drives away. A veteran recognizes them as Morse Code.

"T-H-E T-A-C-O-S W-E-R-E G-O-O-D A-S H-E-L-L A-N-D I A-T-E E-V-E-R-Y L-A-S-T O-N-E I-N T-H-E I-N-N J-U-S-T I-N T-I-M-E F-O-R S-O-M-E P-A-R-T-I-N-G W-O-R-D-S"
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Postby Casimir » Fri Mar 24, 2017 2:42 pm

Also, it seems that Mr. Poots has eaten this island out of tacos.

The fish tacos are hereby suspended as an item.
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Postby Casimir » Fri Mar 24, 2017 3:57 pm

Dawn is approaching. That would make this pre-dawn. It's pre-dawn and last night we had some action. Stuff happened, like at least one thing happened, and now I'm going to tell you what it is.

Kit Fox was bribed. He was an artisan.

It's day. If you guys vote fast enough we can get another cycle in quickly.
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Postby rap and country » Fri Mar 24, 2017 4:11 pm

Laserblast
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Postby kit fox » Fri Mar 24, 2017 4:23 pm

ooOOooOoooOoo fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, im a sellout oooOoOoOOOOOOooooo
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Postby grouchypants » Fri Mar 24, 2017 4:51 pm

Petal is getting very depressed. Her islands friends are all turning out to be turncoats bribed by the journalists. She doesn't understand why. Don't they like it here? Why would they do that? At least that raving psycho is gone. Petal feels safe going out her front door again.

So safe, in fact, that she thinks it's time to engage in her fourth favourite passtime, behind yoga, sailing Mabel, and deep sea fishing with Jeff probst. Golf. Petal loves golf! She rounds up her clubs and heads out to the range. She starts out on the driving range, then she practices putting, and then she goes for a round a mini golf. And then the big kahuna! She golfs a full 18 holes! She's not very good, but that's not the point. It's relaxing, and cathartic.
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Postby grouchypants » Fri Mar 24, 2017 5:15 pm

Petal is a doofus. She forgot to bring golf balls on her golfing excursion!

Petal heads back to the range after fetching her golf balls. Now shes all ready!

She puts down her tee. She places the golf ball on the tee. She gets her club (driver, an iron, a wood, a putter - she has them all). She swings and......fore!!! It goes sailing overhead! It's a hole in one! Petal even wears her lucky golf hat and funny pants for luck.
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Postby grouchypants » Fri Mar 24, 2017 5:32 pm

Petal is so tired. She doesn't think she is going g to be able to make it through this day. She needs something to perk her up! Something to lift her spirits. Wait! What is that she hears? Island music? Is that....drums?? Kettle drums??? Djembe drums??? Singing??? Dancing??? It is! Petal joins in. She loves music, especially island music andnisland drums. She loves all things about being in the Caribbean.

Petal leaves the drumming. Now she's hungry. Where should she go? I know! The ice cream parlor! It seemed like a perfect spot to people watch. She makes he way there. She buys a huge ice cream cone! Two scoops. One chocolate, one strawberry. She digs in. Delicious.

Once finished her ice cream Petal heads down to the dock in the harbour. She sees all of the fishermen coming in for the day. They've got their fishing nets and all of their prized bluefish. It's been a good day for them. At least it has been for someone.

Last but not least for the day Petal decides to take in some surfing. She's pretty terrible at it, but at least she tries. She paddles out on her board, and tries a few small waves. Success! She feels like she's flying!

Finally Petal heads home in her truck. There is no better way to cruise around the island. Petal plans to cuddle up in her room with a travel magazine, and watch the stars. She loves to gaze out her window at the sound. She also may try to find something on TV. She thinks there's a Bill Paxton movie on. She finds it! This say is looming up! Petal thinks she will have a beer.
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Postby VHB » Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:37 pm

Why didn't the jr. bodyguard protect the vocal artisan and why didn't the bartender block the suspected journalist
galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.

Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding

bill wrote:every hooker deserves an Oscar for faking orgasms i swear to god
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Postby VHB » Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:38 pm

It's 5 to 3 right now.

A mislynch and we lose.
galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.

Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding

bill wrote:every hooker deserves an Oscar for faking orgasms i swear to god
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Postby VHB » Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:40 pm

Kit Fox
VHB

I'm expendable and with the absentees, we again need the vote

No Kill

I realize this seems counter intuitive but defensive as it is, it's better than a mislynch. A mislynch and we lose. That will also be true tomorrow but then, at least, it will be 4 vs 3 instead of 5 vs 3 and we'll have better odds of guessing right. Which is good when we can't afford to guess wrong.

Where is the other artisan.
galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.

Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding

bill wrote:every hooker deserves an Oscar for faking orgasms i swear to god
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Postby grouchypants » Sat Mar 25, 2017 9:27 am

Im the other artisan.

VHB, your sentiments are right. We can't afford a mislynch today.

On every nights 1-4 a few people were never randomly assigned a lodging. Big cat, laserblast, and VHB. Everyone else had a random lodging or two, so they're less likely targets. Now, 2 nights in a row VHB was at the scanned lodging and didn't come up a journalist, which either means he's good, is the minion, or was scrambling where he was (which would be really risky). So he can live today.

Laserblast I think we should give the benefit of the doubt because he claimed good. And we can only Lynch one person per day.

big cat is acting pretty suspicious. She should be prime lynch candidate today.

Also, because VHB might be the minion he shouldnt be mayor. grouchypants

Good guys, please talk to me. Let me know if reasoning is bad!
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Postby VHB » Sat Mar 25, 2017 3:25 pm

Casimir wrote:It's day. If you guys vote fast enough we can get another cycle in quickly.


well, so much for that, apparently. :?
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Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding

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Postby Geoff » Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:09 pm

don't know what to do
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Postby Geoff » Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:09 pm

don't know what to do
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Postby laserblast » Sun Mar 26, 2017 11:09 am

INT. Michael’s hut. It’s sparse — a bed with a sleeping bag packed underneath, a few chests, seashells that spell out “WALT” strung together and hanging from the straw.

Self-forgiveness was treating Michael well. Boredom, however, was not. People kept leaving Wolf Island and, well, a man could only talk to the same handful of people so often without feeling the stirrings of discontent.

Ah, well — what did it matter? He’d be taking the ferry soon enough; this chapter in his life was closing. But he felt an obligation to this site of his spiritual renewal. It had treated him well, and the last thing it needed was some muckraking hipster dweeb from, I dunno, fucking MARYLAND ruining it for everyone else.

To pass the time, Michael reaches under his bed and pulls out a giant glass bong, the one he bought at the Dockside Bar from the glassblower who was renting some time in the Artisans’ pottery shop. Not the greatest thing he’s ever smoked out of, and this dimebag of schwag weed wasn’t great, but hell — it beat the joint he got from the madman (who, let’s be clear, definitely actually pissed himself).

Michael takes a few hits and lets his mind wander.

Grouchypants was cool. What’s more, she made sense. Why the hell was no one suspicious of a talking goddamned whale? Like, Michael knows he's high, but WHAT THE FUCK, A TALKING WHALE. At the end of the day, if the islanders voted to send the whale on its way, Michael would be satisfied, and he was glad to see someone as clearheaded as Ms. Pants point that finger.

Still, he couldn’t help but wonder about the weirdo loner types in this village. Had anyone seen Efreet in the last two weeks? Was he, like, OK? Or was he hiding some deep secret?

And Michael was especially interested in this Metersk character — all over other threads in the island, active in the Slack Room at the village center, but nowhere to be found when it came time to making the only decisions that actually mattered around here.

Michael resolved to confront the man and ask some hard questions — if he could ever corner him — as soon as his mind cleared. In the meantime, he'd encourage other islanders, like Geoff, to join him in putting Metersk on the chopping block, even if only temporarily. The village deserved answers.
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Postby Geoff » Sun Mar 26, 2017 11:11 am

big cat grouchypants
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Postby Geoff » Sun Mar 26, 2017 11:13 am

By the way efreet is really quiet
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Postby big cat » Sun Mar 26, 2017 4:48 pm

Killing whales went out in the 1800s guys I am a good but lazy islander! VHB no send away is not a good option today
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Postby efreet » Sun Mar 26, 2017 5:43 pm

big cat grouchypants
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Postby can't » Sun Mar 26, 2017 6:38 pm

I was a good lazy islander too until I fell in love with a beautiful Canadian gal. She made me want to be better. She made me a better dad, a more generous and passionate lover and a better pilot. We were coming to help our grieving family and friends here on the island when a giant pelican flew into the engine. My plane crashed on approach and my priestess wife died along with a huge part of me. Now I have nothing left of my old life. After fighting so hard to find the truth and get justice for our island friends and fighting for their way of life I had to accept the generous offer the journalists made me. Now I have all the Fiji coal security I could have eve asked for and I am surfing again. So I think in a way it's all for the best.
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Postby Casimir » Sun Mar 26, 2017 7:26 pm

Big Cat was sent off the island. She was the SEO Specialist.

Please submit night actions.
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Postby grouchypants » Sun Mar 26, 2017 7:42 pm

Petal hops up and down excitedly

WooHoo!
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Postby VHB » Sun Mar 26, 2017 7:49 pm

Von Ho Balanced picks up a conch shell and blows three triumphant toots on it. Noting it's aesthetically pleasing color pattern, he feels authority radiating from its spindles, and he gently packs it into his sack. Perhaps it will come in handy, or be decisive, tomorrow.
galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.

Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding

bill wrote:every hooker deserves an Oscar for faking orgasms i swear to god
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Postby VHB » Sun Mar 26, 2017 8:01 pm

Von Ho Balanced dips into the petty vandalism and kleptomania one would normally expect from his rambunctious mainlander niece, as he starts wandering around the island snuffing out the torches in front of people's houses. He swipe two and heads home with them, stuffing them clumsily and all-too-snugly into his own brazier, giving him three.
galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.

Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding

bill wrote:every hooker deserves an Oscar for faking orgasms i swear to god
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