iambic wrote:no don't make those posts
Zarathustra wrote:"I am a libertarian at the global level, conservative at country level, centrist at city level, socialist in my neighbourhood level, communist in my family"
REAL BASED SLOB wrote:after the javy home run WGN came back with an extended fan cam sequence soundtracked by meat puppets - up on the sun and i've just been doing bong rips and jamming meat puppets since
iambic wrote:no don't make those posts
Zarathustra wrote:"I am a libertarian at the global level, conservative at country level, centrist at city level, socialist in my neighbourhood level, communist in my family"
Galactagogue walked the halls of the Rare Boy alone.
She'd been in the sp'arboretum during the kerfuffle the day before. The misting nozzles had hidden the sound of the blaster fire, and so she hadn't been prepared for what she'd seen when she emerged. Carnage.
Her first stop had been Ankh's room. She'd stepped over terrible bedwetter's blast radius into the door. Ankh and Surly were still lying, prone, wrapped in one another's arms. She'd watched them for—how long? An hour? Two hours? Just thinking about companionship, loyalty, bravery, and compassion. Human virtues. Where did they come from? Were they the wellspring of love and emotion, or ideology that existed only to fuel the ship, as surely as the hyper-plutonium rods that burned in the hyper-plutonium burner? What did they do for people—people that lived, laughed, and loved and eated and prayed, people that did botany in space, people that died wrapped in one another's arms, people that were really crazy and all shot one another? In space? What good was it all? In space, I mean.
Eventually, galactagogue came back to herself. With infinite tenderness, she shut Surly and Ankh's eyes, then pulled a comforter up over the pair. With very finite tenderness, she stuck Surly's thumb in Ankh's nose. Unbelievable. Are you for real?
On her way out of their room she slipped and fell in terrific bedwetter, but managed to catch herself on the wall and straight up before getting too much on her. Then she slipped again and this time it just went everywhere. She got tb in her hair and all over her clothes and in her eyelashes, it was crazy.
She then followed Surly's trail of blood back to the airlock, and when she saw the disaster there she went, "Wow!" She drew closer to try to figure out what had happened, but she tripped over capital and fell in landspeed's brains, then when she was trying to straighten up she lost her balance and sort of rolled over doritopassion, and tried to roll away but wound up rolling into snatch and palmer and kinda flopped around between them trying to find purchase. Eventually she was able to straighten up, and she was so enthused about that that she jumped in the air and shouted, "Yes!" But when she came back down she landed in stakeout and that made a big mess. In trying to extricate herself from him she tripped over capital again and did everything that I just said over again. The whole thing took like an hour.
When she finally made it out, she found herself face-to-face with sleigh.
"What's up, sleigh?" she asked.
He shook his head. He looked a little...perturbed. His hair was greasy and stringy, and he was shuddering, and his lips were pressed tightly together.
"What's up, dude?" she asked again. "I gotta say, you're lookin' sorta crazy. What's going on? Where are the others?"
He shook his head and didn't stop shaking it. Galactagogue took a step back. His whole body was shuddering. Should she...run? Help him? What was right?
Suddenly he burst out, "I WANNA KILL YOU!" Immediately he regained his composure. "Hoo boy, sorry about that. I don't know what that was. Really felt like I was about to lose my mind."
"Haha, it's no problem," said Galactagogue. "Sometimes I, too, feel—"
Suddenly Sleigh shot Galactagogue, and Catullus was there shooting her too, and kit fox and granger were also there in the hallway shooting Galactagogue, and mudd shot Galactagogue, and everyone was shooting her at that time.
"Guh!" said Galactagogue as she was being shot. Then she got an idea. "I'll do some shooting too." She took her blaster out and shot Sleigh.
"AH, she shot me back," Sleigh said. He thought furiously. He had shot Galactagogue, but then she had shot him. That was a good amount of shooting. But was it...enough? He didn't want there to be too much shooting. Nor did he want there to be not enough shooting. He deliberated and decided that it would be wise for him to do a little more shooting, so he shot Catullus.
Catullus was disappointed to find that she'd been shot, because this meant she was going to be dying soon. Had she lived a full life? She took her sp'bucket list out of her sp'acesuit and consulted it. Fly on the Rare Boy? Check. Shoot Galactagogue? Check. Give something up for Lent one year, not as a religious thing, just as an exercise in self-discipline? Check. See space? Check. Shoot people in space? Check. Be shot by Sleigh? Check. Shoot kit fox? Ch—...wait.
So Catullus shot kit fox and then died, having lived a full and happy life. Kit fox, for his part, was an alien, so when he got shot he blew up and all the green alien goop went out of him, and it went all over everyone that was standing there, and at least a little got in everyone's mouth.
iambic wrote:no don't make those posts
Zarathustra wrote:"I am a libertarian at the global level, conservative at country level, centrist at city level, socialist in my neighbourhood level, communist in my family"
iambic wrote:no don't make those posts
Zarathustra wrote:"I am a libertarian at the global level, conservative at country level, centrist at city level, socialist in my neighbourhood level, communist in my family"
iambic wrote:no don't make those posts
Zarathustra wrote:"I am a libertarian at the global level, conservative at country level, centrist at city level, socialist in my neighbourhood level, communist in my family"
iambic wrote:no don't make those posts
Zarathustra wrote:"I am a libertarian at the global level, conservative at country level, centrist at city level, socialist in my neighbourhood level, communist in my family"
The four remaining crewmembers aboard the ship gathered in the med bay. Not because anyone was hurt, just because it was one of the only rooms left that wasn't covered in blood. They looked at one another gravely. They'd come so far. So many had died. But still, one of their number was a bullshitter alien guy.
Big cat was the first to speak. "I think we should proceed rationally. This is a delicate choice, and the consequences for making a mistake could have intergalactic ramifications. I'd hate to—"
An enormous plume of steam jetted out of mudd, cutting big cat off. He began clanking and whirring, and his head spun around wildly. Once everyone was looking at him, he immediately quieted down and became still. A panel on his front slid aside to reveal a lewd little speaking hole, which said, "Beep boop I think we should kill you."
"Yeah," said granger.
"Big time," said badvibes.
"No don't," Big cat protested, but she was cut off again by a loud honking from mudd. Once more, everyone looked at him expectantly. Another panel on his front slid aside, revealing another gross little hole. A laser bullet came out of this one really quickly, and went into big cat.
"You idiots!" she yelled. "How could you think I was the damn alien! I hate aliens! I'm human as hell!" She fell back onto the med table, and the others all gathered around her, hoping that she'd suddenly burst open or start oozing green or something. But nope. Classic human blood, coming on out of her body.
Big cat felt her strength leaving her. She thought of everything that had brought her to this place. The sheer chance of it. Hundreds of thousands of years of ancestors, reproducing and dying. Her parents, passing along their DNA. A chance interest in space as a young girl, blossoming into a professional career. Captain Gil coming up to her at the sp'career fair and asking, "Are you a Trigger-Happy Bloodthirsty Nut?", and her saying, "Yes, I am that," and him saying, "Come work for me then." Such a delicate cosmos that it would yield implausible life, and give her the love of it. Such a cruel ballet that it would take both away. Such a godless existence that it would come to an unceremonious end here, on a junky freighter drifting through the void.
She opened her eyes and looked up at the other three. Her companions, her friends, her executors. She looked at their eyes, each of them in turn, and in those brief gazes saw contained the storied years of their friendship. Then she looked at their noses, each of them in turn, and thought about all the beautiful smells they'd smelled together, in space. Then she looked at their mouths, each of them in turn, and dr. badvibes was mouthing, "I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien I'm an alien" over and over again, so she took out her blaster and shot him. Then she died.
badvibes didn't explode right away, he just started swelling up grotesquely. He looked at mudd and granger and asked, "Why? Why have you slaughtered us? We were no threat to you. We just wanted to live, and be happy, and enjoy one another's company, and you have gunned us down like lunatics."
"We're sorry," said granger. "It's just the way we are."
Then badvibes exploded, and the green went everywhere, and granger gobbled it all up like a little piggy because he loves the way that aliens taste which is disgusting. mudd just watched because mudd is a robot and cannot eat anything.
Then the two of them went to the bridge and banged on the door, and said, "Captain Gil! All the aliens are dead! We're good!"
And Captain Gil yelled back, "Really?"
And they yelled back, "Yup! Really!"
So Captain Gil opened the door and looked at his two crewmembers, who were sorta dinged up and dirty and covered in blood and gunk. And they looked at him, and he looked great, because he'd been eating well and exercising and getting plenty of sleep.
They celebrated for twenty minutes, then they pushed everyone else's bodies into space and went the rest of the way to Jupiter-1000, where they split the payment for carting 20 space-tons of sp'opium across the galaxy. Then granger and mudd shot Captain Gil in the back and divvied up his share, too. This made them both very rich and they lived forever. The end.
iambic wrote:no don't make those posts
Zarathustra wrote:"I am a libertarian at the global level, conservative at country level, centrist at city level, socialist in my neighbourhood level, communist in my family"
iambic wrote:no don't make those posts
Zarathustra wrote:"I am a libertarian at the global level, conservative at country level, centrist at city level, socialist in my neighbourhood level, communist in my family"
galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.
Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding
Kenny wrote:If you can remmeber any conversation with a cashier 30 seconds after you had it you're doing it wrong
iambic wrote:no don't make those posts
Zarathustra wrote:"I am a libertarian at the global level, conservative at country level, centrist at city level, socialist in my neighbourhood level, communist in my family"
iambic wrote:no don't make those posts
Zarathustra wrote:"I am a libertarian at the global level, conservative at country level, centrist at city level, socialist in my neighbourhood level, communist in my family"
galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.
Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding
Kenny wrote:If you can remmeber any conversation with a cashier 30 seconds after you had it you're doing it wrong
Cyril Sneer wrote:INSANE post. I could literally read it for hours.
Snatch wrote:I was wondering whether someone would try to use the retaliation kill on themselves
kit fox wrote:yeah when big cat came in with the badvibes vote I knew we were done. kudos cat.
VH Balanced wrote:It was fun gradually figuring out what was actually going on and I would like to hear from the players on when/how quickly they put together the pieces.
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