HPN WW #17: The Faculty *STUDENTS, PILLHEAD, GOTH WIN*

There are worse ways to spend the time, but not many.

Postby Geoff » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:19 pm

just released vlookup and rand yay!
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Postby john plainman » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:20 pm

Bread certainly has a posse. It ruined Rajada 2 for me but w/e it's just Internetstrangers
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Postby wendy » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:20 pm

Okay @stake
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Postby wendy » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:21 pm

I didn't mean to break Rajada 2 I've apologized a million fucking times omg
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Postby Catullus » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:25 pm

Hey, there will always be bread wrestling the Gods in Thanatos and her entire arc in Transylvania so I say whatever, she's legend anyway.

I sucked in a bunch of games but I still love playing. GUYS YOU ARE FORGETTING THAT PLUR MEANS PEACE LOVE UNITY AND RESPECT OKAY??
opi wrote:like i don't think it's possible for catullus to be duplicitous, whereas pretty much every other poster at the time struck me as having one foot in shinra
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Postby iambic » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:26 pm

gg
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Postby PROBLEMATIC » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:27 pm

stakeout wrote:its simply not but half the people that play this game is all the way up her ass so theres nothing i can do about that


oh man lol
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Postby Alice » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:27 pm

This one goes out to stakeout



This was the #1 hit throughout America for the entire month of September, 1998.
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Postby Catullus » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:34 pm

stakeout wrote:peace love unity and respect is like a list of things i hate the most



Image
opi wrote:like i don't think it's possible for catullus to be duplicitous, whereas pretty much every other poster at the time struck me as having one foot in shinra
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Postby can't » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:49 pm

gg iambic thanks fornot leaving me in the weeds this time
gg everyone thanks for b3ing l337
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Postby iambic » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:51 pm

narc I didn't play this game
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Postby universe » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:56 pm

Or did you?
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Postby can't » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:57 pm

are you sure? I can't tell because I have no idea where you went
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Postby Catullus » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:59 pm

iambic played this game about as much as some people on the cast list but whatever, I still had fun
opi wrote:like i don't think it's possible for catullus to be duplicitous, whereas pretty much every other poster at the time struck me as having one foot in shinra
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Postby Catullus » Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:59 pm

Fucking a, toop :(
opi wrote:like i don't think it's possible for catullus to be duplicitous, whereas pretty much every other poster at the time struck me as having one foot in shinra
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Postby kit fox » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:02 pm

yeah i hope capital is alright
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Postby surly » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:12 pm

looks like she's someone who just owned you into oblivion
lordofdiapers wrote:damn it Greedo will forever fuck that word for me
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Postby VHB » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:13 pm

EPILOGUE: STUDENT BODY TRIUMPHANT

The surviving members of Balm High Class of '99 decided to put together a Time Capsule for the kids who will come after them.

One by one those left standing added something meaningful to them, and/or something cherished by those who didn't make it. Thigs too painful to hold on to directly but which definitely shouldn't be lost or forgotten.

A windows 98 install disc [Pants]
A tamogatchi egg [Takako]
A hollowed out crucifix necklace [Emily]
The keys to the grotto [Jeff from Minnesota]
A six pack of budweiser and a foam middle finger [StoneCold]
Several back issues of the Balm Army Review [Geoff]
A sketchbook full of really awesome concept art [T.E.S.]
A fireax [Wendy]
A lacrosse stick [Separator]
The answer key to all of Miss Pissman's history tests, with dirty cartoons drawn in ["Slime"]
Season 1 of Dawson's Creek on VHS [Joey]
A lighter [Rayzer]
Assorted Jack Chick Tracts [Caroline Bill]
A little black book with contact info for half the senior class entered [Ankh the Worm]
A dimebag and some incense [Casimir Powers]
A pack of clove cigarettes [Lanny]
One Student ID Card with badly chewed up edges, and a straightened out bobby pin [Veruca]
A copy of the official recording of Senior Ball [Ahab Plant]
A copy of the AD&D Player's Handbook [Jefry Efreet]
A homemade Venom suit [Peter]
The Student Handbook with all the school rules of dress code and behavior [the ironically nicknamed Ron "Narc" Rulefollower]
A set of dancing sticks [Hector]
An essay laying out all the evidence that proves Tupac, Elvis, and JFK are all actually still alive as of December 1998 [Vixen Mudd]
A homemade recording of every episode of My So Called Life [Jared "Metersk" Palmetto]
A Prom Queen's Crown [Cat Starchild]
And, after a little playful debate, one shirt from Abercrombie and Fitch [Devin "Uni" Lima]

Along with the above, the class throws in a sealed letter. Addressed to "The Future" across the envelope, it reads as follows:

"Dear Future,

We had to fight real hard for you to even have a chance to exist. A bunch of us didn't make it. Some of us even got converted and we had to kill each other for a while. It totally sucked. I know you probably don't think about it much, or at all. It's part of being young. I didn't think about this shit either until like a couple weeks ago. Look, I'm not saying you have to kiss our ass forever. Our parents took that stance with us and it's so lame. But like, show some respect when you see us. And don't forget about us. And don't waste what we did by wasting what you have. That'd suck. Life is like, fucking precious, and shit.

We dedicate this Time Capsule to you.

Sincerely,
Vanessa "Veruca" Balanced, lead singer of Systyr"

Lanny uses his chalk to write

"DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2019"

Across the outer shell, and with that, the Class Of '99 seals up the Time Capsule, and everyone... jock, nerd, tweaker, loner, preppie, it doesn't matter... picks up a shovel and starts digging.



FIN

Oh, and I've been sitting on this .gif for my own death lore, but since that never came up, I'll use it here.

Veruca Balanced has one last message for the aliens:

Image

Good Game to all. Thank you for letting me pretend to be a girl on the internet. :?
Last edited by VHB on Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.

Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding

bill wrote:every hooker deserves an Oscar for faking orgasms i swear to god
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Postby wendy » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:17 pm

Don't talk about my colon
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Postby wendy » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:21 pm

Oh and before I forget, Wendy was planning to leave Jeff for Peter from day 1
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Postby wendy » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:21 pm

I mean, Peter and Wendy. You can't get in the middle of that.
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Postby wendy » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:23 pm

yeah i played like shit

ah well, next time (or the time after that)
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Postby surly » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:25 pm

:roll:
lordofdiapers wrote:damn it Greedo will forever fuck that word for me
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Postby wendy » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:26 pm

stakeout wrote:incredible stakeout: i am going to die n1

evil bread: WHAAAT???? no waaaay!!!!

incredible stakeout: lol


i really thought i'd be able to find us a better candidate to kill than you

but the other wolves were set on removing you from the game. obviously for the best since you were onto me from the start, stake.
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Postby surly » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:28 pm

:roll:
lordofdiapers wrote:damn it Greedo will forever fuck that word for me
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Postby VHB » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:33 pm

stakeout wrote:so it was a fucking tobey maguire movie


You're really not going to like my next couple of posts then. :D


ATTENTION ALL GOOD TEAMMATES:

This was a deeply satisfying win because virtually all of you contributed.

Stakeout: Thank you for coming at me hard. Having to stand up to you made me a little bit better player. Having Jordan be fake was a better idea and I should've stolen it. The petty rivalry with Jeff helped define Veruca and I can see an alternate time line where he lived longer and they played out a cliche scene where they cussed each other out until they made out. Also I think the confusion you stirred up about my exact role was armor I sorely needed. So you helped out.

Narc Blossom: Under The Bleachers, the safe space semi private channel, was a wonderful honeypot. Separator: this was how we caught you. Good job.

Metersk: thanks for being so cagey. It was good instincts. Glad we were finally able to link up the popular kid/chess club cabal of doom, especially while Palmer was still around.

Palmer and Duke: the proto cabal. Indispensable work behind the scenes, even outside of your role powers. Which you used wonderfully. Duke? CLUTCH alert. MVP candidates, both of you. Palmer found all the neutrals, and the drunk security guard. Most of the good specials, really. Magnificent networking.

Werd: I remember you saying a month or so back you had the perfect tanner strategy in mind, and were waiting for your chance to use it. Was this it? Beautiful.

Ecto: Tanner #2. Thank you for effectively siding with us, even if it was more to teach team evil a lesson. You opened the door for us, no doubt.

Laserblast: OH MY FUCKING GOD DUDE. In awe. EPIC.

DRAGONS: I never trust you as much as I should, eh "lone wolf"? Solid villager work, sorry we couldn't vet you until the end, but you did better on your own anyway. And as always, thank you for your ability to rein in some of my CIFOM, more than most.

Catullus: Co-captain of the Clashing Clique Cabal yesterday. You brought Ampersand in, or at least were doing so at the end.

Ampersand: You have the best pure poker face in our little society here, imho. No one can figure out what you are, ever. Thank you for your scrupulous doubt even of your own self. He thought he was the DSG even after 2 correct scans.

Casimir and Ankh: Thank you for throwing in with us. I hope my sucking up to you guys played a bit part in that :)

LOD: I learn more on how to improve my game from you every time, ally or opponent. Thanks for making a bunch of noise with me, and being good council in the proto cabal days.

PIERROT: You killed Mudd with the Molly. That alone was worthwhile. Good work staying invisible and keeping yourself in the game and helping.

Pantsoclock: Our LEAKMASTER. You were critical in getting the right info out about Fuckles and Dragons and others. Thank you!

Phillipe: You are a solid teammate who doesn't get nearly enough respect. My best move was believing in you from the start. And you were right about Bread all along. I should never have started to talk you out of using your OD kill shot on her.

If I forgot to mention you, I'm sorry. Just because I didn't see your contribution didn't mean you didn't make it.

also BILL: you were technically our opponent but you had a virtually impossible win condition and maybe it's just because you haven't been on much but you didn't whine once, and you played it as best you could and probably the only way you can. Thanks for trying, I hope you had fun regardless and are still into our fun and weird little hobby here.



And to our opponents: I never completely counted you out until Bread threw in the towel while I was at work. There are reasons for that.

Thanks guys.
galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.

Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding

bill wrote:every hooker deserves an Oscar for faking orgasms i swear to god
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Postby surly » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:33 pm

your whole "tortured artist (who doesn't make any art) who throws tantrums because people don't realize his genius and lashes out at anyone who calls him on his bullshit" shtick is so tired
lordofdiapers wrote:damn it Greedo will forever fuck that word for me
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Postby ecto » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:38 pm

his RP was alton lister and mine was shawn kemp
I'm 15 and want to be a part of this friend now. What can I do? (self.LazerBlade)
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Postby ecto » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:38 pm

dunkio
I'm 15 and want to be a part of this friend now. What can I do? (self.LazerBlade)
submitted 3 minutes ago by LazerBlade_Teen
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Postby VHB » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:40 pm

Also thank you to Alice for putting this all together, and to Luke for helping AND indulging my Layne Staley parody death lore I had pre-prepared because I knew at least one person would no-show.
galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.

Suspension Bridge wrote:Werewolf was the best thing to happen to me in 2015 and that includes my wedding

bill wrote:every hooker deserves an Oscar for faking orgasms i swear to god
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