random posts that you still remember

[gold and glass]

do they make left-handed button shirts for dudes?

or is this just a blouse if the buttons are on the left

it's a blouse

I mean it doesn't hang out around the chest or anything

you're wearing a woman's shirt

Can't stop laughing

[young opiate]

re: On a Scale of 1-10, How Annoying am I?

this is like watching a bukkake when the chicks eyes are completely glued shut with jizz but she just keeps asking for more.

[Guy Incognito]

has lately been popping into my head every time i'm in a crowd of weirdos, which is often. not exactly a post but still, i'm thinking about things related to hpn an unhealthy amount.

[delgriffith]

From the archives:

Photoshop Request Thread by Dennis Moore

This will probably be the only request, but I'd be too appreciative if some one in their spare time, five minutes or who knows, straight away, coould construct an image of John Wayne's face using only items from a breakfast skillet. Eggs, sausage, bacon, potatoes, hash browns, omelette ingredients, etc.

move aside ho bag and hellphone i got this

I was hoping for a younger version.

I was hoping for a younger version

here you go

[OKterrific]

yeah the original one was the hardest I've laughed at the board in awhile

[edgeev]

wait who is dan?

[Durham]

oh my fucking GOD

[neopolitan]

dan is the guy that told the crabwalk story.

[gold and glass]

I don't know the crabwalk story, but dan's also responsible for this:

During a computer class in 11th grade, a student went out to use the bathroom very early in the period, but returned quickly, laughing so hard that it disrupted all of the computer work. The teacher was a nice lady in her 60's and she didn't make a big deal,just told the kid to calm down and get back to his computer. So the kid starts telling his friend that he has to go see whats in the handicapped stall of the bathroom. That kid goes to check it out, and comes back the same way, laughing hard. He tells all of several of his friends and soon it gets around to the whole side of the room ,and then to me, that someone took the worlds largest shit in the handicapped stall of the upstairs bathroom. Boys are lining up to take the bathroom pass so they can see it. And the whole classroom is starting to get out of control, everyone is talking loudly, laughing, nobody is working. The teacher is trying to keep things sane, but eventually one boy comes back and just paces around one side of the room looking confused and astounded. When she asks him to sit down and do his work, he says "Naw.After seeing that, I can't do anything else today. I'm just...I'm done." She trys to insist again but he responds "Believe me, if you saw it, you'd understand." Not a single person in the class is doing work anymore, even the hardcore straight-A academic students, and everyone is losing their minds. So she just decides to call cancel the day's work, everyone can do whatever they want for the rest of the period.

Well finally the bathroom pass comes back and at last I get my chance to see what everyone was going nuts over. I was actually ready to be disappointed, thinking no shit could ever live up to that hype. I walk out of the class, into the nearby bathroom, and walk slowly into the last stall, the handicapped stall. I open up the door, and my eyes widened, even from 10 feet away. I walked closer and got a good look. And it was the biggest piece of shit I had ever seen in my life.This thing was easily the length of my fingertips to my elbow, a good 15 inches. It wasn't the length that impressed me though, it was the girth. This thing was noticeably wider than a pringles can for its whole length . I would say it was closer to the width of a tub of frosting, or a bit less than the width of a CD. There was no toilet paper in the bowl, so you could make out the the whole thing somewhat clearly, thought the water was a pretty murky brown by the time I got there. It was coiled around several times, and there were smaller chunks of shit floating around it. It had a very light brown color and I by looks it seemed like it was very soft. I was actually amazed by the overall lack of smell, it wasn't odorless by any means, but it didn't smell anywhere near as bad as you would have thought. I was looked at it for about a minute, trying to gauge its size, before I returned to class.

I came back looking amazed, and the boys were like "WE TOLD YA!" Some boys went back to see it again, several at a time, crammed into the stall. A lot of the boys took pictures on their cell phones. But nobody there had any idea who could have made that shit, or how an ass could handle pushing that out. And nobody knows what happened to it in the end, because it was there at the end of the school day, but gone the next morning. But I think we'll all remember it.

[gold and glass]

Okay I know the crabwalk story now. Good fucking Jesus

[pablito]

my theory is that it was a spongelike poo that simply grew after soaking up water because theres no way an asshole could dilate to that point, it would just squish it like normal

[delgriffith]

Yeah dan is amazing and underappreciated.

[Broncobama]

three cheers for dan

[swamp thing]

having not seen the original thread i was honestly pretty disappointed as i scrolled down past the hat that it wasnt the Malick photo

[darger]

from MLB 2011 thread:

lol the padres won a series at fenway

lol the padres won a series at fenway

In what bizarre fantasyland are you living in?

Game 1 - Sox crush Padres
Game 2 - Doesn't count because the Sox were unbelievably unlucky
Game 3 - Doesn't count because it was raining

Final Result: Sox sweep the series.

answer the question, fury

[Kevin McCallister]

What's the crabwalk story?

[delgriffith]

When I was 10 I got some award for having perfect attendance or something and they were gonna hand out the award at this big end of the year assembly. I decided like a week before that it would be a lot more impressive if I crab walked up to the stage to get my award. So the night came and basically I ended up doing this very slow crab walk from the back of the auditorium all the way up the aisle in front of the entire school and my parents. When I reached the steps up to the stage I tried in vein for about 10 seconds to somehow walk on all fours up a set of 5 stairs before finally just leaping to my feet and doing a small jog up to the principal to get my award. I thought the whole crowd would be clapping and cheering but it was just absolute silence. My parents were mortified.

[Feech La Manna]

I think I cried the first time I read that

[universe]

Only way that second Dan image could have been funnier is if it had the Texas Rangers hat on it.

[important dentist]

everything about that story is perfect but my favorite part might be that he thought it would be "impressive" to crab walk up to the stage

not funny, or memorable, impressive

[ComradeWolf]

had never heard the term "flyaway collar" previously, now i associate it with this post

Flyaway collars make men look like a dying Richard Nixon coked up and sweating and hating Jews

[kid8]

"that was a david bowie song."

"thanks kurt, we knew that."

-someone's dad.

[Spoilt Victorian Child]

[Kevin McCallister]

Man I\ve been giggling on and off at work over that crabwalk story.

[white mage]

what happened to jeremy's priest thread. he said something to the effect of "breaking the law is so good/perfect that it would be disgraceful to discuss it on the board". i think about that a lot.

[OKterrific]

"that was a david bowie song."

"thanks kurt, we knew that."

-someone's dad.

wait is the quote by someone's dad or is that part of the post

[white mage]

it was _jon's dad the guy from the feelies

[Juggly D, The Posting Maniac]

it was _jon's dad the guy from the feelies

also the source of the legendary "then why do i have this picture of you" story, iirc

[delgriffith]

One time when I was like 14 I was listening to Nirvana Unplugged on my stereo in my bedroom with the door shut. After "The Man Who Sold the World" Kurt Cobain says something like, "that was a David Bowie song" and then I hear my dad yell from across the house "Yeah thanks Kurt!"

[kid8]

Sorry guys. Thanks del. Thanks kurt.