borderline

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Postby black mamba » Wed Jan 09, 2019 11:34 am

do any users have any experience dealing with someone with borderline personality disorder? if so leave a comment below
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Postby easy » Wed Jan 09, 2019 11:39 am

I've been told Stop Walking on Eggshells is essential but maybe its outdated at this point

maybe put this thread in members??
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Postby black mamba » Wed Jan 09, 2019 11:46 am

a general discussion is fine imo but if other users feel like it should be in members that is OK too
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Postby a-10 warthog champion » Wed Jan 09, 2019 11:48 am

yes, ive dated two people, one seriously, that were diagnosed with it. if you really want to talk about it feel free to hit me up and i'll try but it's not something im going to talk about publicly here in detail.
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Postby camping » Wed Jan 09, 2019 12:18 pm

a-10 warthog champion wrote:yes, ive dated two people, one seriously, that were diagnosed with it. if you really want to talk about it feel free to hit me up and i'll try but it's not something im going to talk about publicly here in detail.
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Postby chowder julius » Wed Jan 09, 2019 12:19 pm

yes my mother has bpd what's up
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Postby black mamba » Wed Jan 09, 2019 12:27 pm

generally how do you help someone with it when it seems like there are always immediate crises that end up being prioritized? and this

One of the most frustrating aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is that it causes those who suffer from it to have next to zero tolerance for criticism or emotional distress of any kind, thus making it extremely difficult to approach them about their problem behaviors.

If you have a relationship with someone you suspect has Borderline Personality Disorder, you probably want nothing more than to see them get help and live a more peaceful life. It may be tempting to approach them about BPD in the hopes that they will seek help, but you must consider many things before doing so because this type of intervention can result in further conflict.
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Postby chowder julius » Wed Jan 09, 2019 12:51 pm

honestly i have no idea. my solution to my relationship with my mother was to cut off contact, though our problems are much greater than the bpd (though it certainly exacerbates things and makes it probably impossible for us to reach an understanding). the most helpful advice i've been given is that it takes a specifically awful type of trauma for someone to develop bpd. not sure there's much utility to that advice practically speaking, but it did help me a lot in terms of understanding that there's a lot going on in her inner life i will never know about and that i should be more compassionate toward her
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Postby chowder julius » Wed Jan 09, 2019 12:53 pm

i was also recommended walking on eggshells. i might have an ebook of it somewhere lemme see
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Postby chowder julius » Wed Jan 09, 2019 12:55 pm

here's the book and the workbook https://www40.zippyshare.com/v/k9ynZuhQ/file.html
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Postby nosebleeds » Wed Jan 09, 2019 1:05 pm

Yeah I've been with someone diagnosed with this and someone else who probably would be. It's tough. Cognitive Behavior Therapy didn't work at all because they manipulated their therapist. Thread should be in member's.
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Postby black mamba » Wed Jan 09, 2019 2:10 pm

chowder julius wrote:here's the book and the workbook https://www40.zippyshare.com/v/k9ynZuhQ/file.html


thanks so much for this
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Postby black mamba » Wed Jan 09, 2019 2:12 pm

nosebleeds wrote:Yeah I've been with someone diagnosed with this and someone else who probably would be. It's tough. Cognitive Behavior Therapy didn't work at all because they manipulated their therapist. .


yeah from what i've been reading bpd is best treated with group therapy because of this
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Postby That Demon Life » Wed Jan 09, 2019 2:15 pm

I have it. Only found out 33.5 years into life too. Brought a lot of things and terrible behaviors into focus and I'm actively working on it now and doing 1000x better (but not perfect). I don't know how much advice I have to give because I'm new to doing anything about it.
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Postby Jimmy Firecracker » Wed Jan 09, 2019 2:27 pm

life's too short
I cut off contact with my BPD family member
had to put myself first
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Postby black mamba » Wed Jan 09, 2019 2:28 pm

That Demon Life wrote:I have it. Only found out 33.5 years into life too. Brought a lot of things and terrible behaviors into focus and I'm actively working on it now and doing 1000x better (but not perfect). I don't know how much advice I have to give because I'm new to doing anything about it.


without going into detail how did you find out and do you think it's possible for someone to realise this about themselves without active external help?
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Postby Jimmy Firecracker » Wed Jan 09, 2019 2:29 pm

that's a poor but kind of accurate 1-2 with demon life.

I realized that I was powerless to support and that any steps. forward would need to be self initiated. I'm happy that you are working on yourself TDL. my family member is approaching senior status so I'm less optimistic that it will ever be safe to let them back in emotionally
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Postby That Demon Life » Wed Jan 09, 2019 2:52 pm

black mamba wrote:
That Demon Life wrote:I have it. Only found out 33.5 years into life too. Brought a lot of things and terrible behaviors into focus and I'm actively working on it now and doing 1000x better (but not perfect). I don't know how much advice I have to give because I'm new to doing anything about it.


without going into detail how did you find out and do you think it's possible for someone to realise this about themselves without active external help?


After my 400,000th time blowing up over nothing and turning a small problem into a big one, but this time with someone I'm not willing to lose, I sought help. I still start being constantly judgemental or bitching about small things a decent amount, but I'm catching myself, apologizing and honestly expressing myself and then we move on. It's working well. Just started meditation too, which has been great.

And I don't know. Nobody made me. Just 33+ years of constantly ruining shit for no reason finally got to me enough to say enough.
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Postby That Demon Life » Wed Jan 09, 2019 2:55 pm

And quitting drinking helped a ton too.
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Postby black mamba » Wed Jan 09, 2019 3:03 pm

that's really good to hear
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Postby Ralph Vaughan Williams » Wed Jan 09, 2019 3:32 pm

My experience with individuals who have borderline diagnoses is that they are engaging in patterns and behaviours that are co-morbid with each other. Without fail, they all have drinking problems, or other substance dependencies. They are constantly attracted to more-toxic friendships and relationships which just exacerbate their symptoms. I've found that keeping arm's-length distance and establishing good boundaries and refusing to engage with their histrionic tendencies has been a highly useful thing. All borderline individuals I've known have also been deeply good and highly empathetic people who just tend toward extreme neediness and lash out twice as much as they should. None of them have been actually abusive.
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Postby turquoise albino » Wed Jan 09, 2019 3:54 pm

i only recently realized last year that one of my ex's that cut me out of her life completely for not responding to one of her text messages promptly enough is suffering from some measure of this. i ran into her mom on an elevator a month or so ago and it ended in tears because my ex did the same thing to her :(
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Postby That Demon Life » Wed Jan 09, 2019 4:04 pm

What sucks is that it's a often sexist diagnosis often given to women with much less serious issues and not given to men when it's what's going on. I got diagnosed with ADHD instead, for one thing, which never made sense to me and also sent me down a spiral of adderall abuse, so that was fun.
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Postby dvr » Wed Jan 09, 2019 4:39 pm

turquoise albino wrote:i only recently realized last year that one of my ex's that cut me out of her life completely for not responding to one of her text messages promptly enough is suffering from some measure of this. i ran into her mom on an elevator a month or so ago and it ended in tears because my ex did the same thing to her :(


i'm confused

edit:nm
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Postby That Demon Life » Wed Jan 09, 2019 4:41 pm

dvr wrote:
turquoise albino wrote:i only recently realized last year that one of my ex's that cut me out of her life completely for not responding to one of her text messages promptly enough is suffering from some measure of this. i ran into her mom on an elevator a month or so ago and it ended in tears because my ex did the same thing to her :(


i'm confused


Took me a second look to understand too. His ex cut her mom out of her life as well as turquoise, they ran into each other, her mom got upset because this brought up the painful feelings of what she did.
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Postby black mamba » Fri Jan 11, 2019 9:18 pm

after reading some literature and thinking about it tbh i can see some times in my life where i exhibited features of this disorder. not at all at the degree that we're talking about itt but in type. like it's definitely not a random bundle of symptoms; there is a logic to it imo. i think that because we don't have a word for it like 'anxiety' or 'depression' it's hard recognize it as a thing and all the gradients of it but that's just my amateur opinion. and it should definitely not be stigmatized because it seems general education would be really helpful
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Postby Ralph Vaughan Williams » Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:20 am

Well, yeah. I found that most Type-2 personality disorders (NPD, BPD and avoidant) are disorders that would be useful for everyone to read about, unpack, and understand, and examine their own behaviours through the lens of that diagnosis. Not so one can turn around and claim that they have a disorder, but because all those disorders are rooted in self-deception (i.e. brain working overtime to disprove a thesis). It's been helpful for me to understand ways I have behaved narcissistically, or in a borderline-y way, or in an avoidant way, and avoid those patterns and identify healthier ways of dealing with what was causing me to behave that way.
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Postby alaska » Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:33 am

i think i said this in another thread recently but dialectical behavioral therapy was designed, i believe, for patients diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and i have heard that it is fairly difficult, but often works

a good friend of former partner of mine had been diagnosed with bpd. she was by all accounts a very sweet person who had serious trust and boundary issues, which she was largely aware of and working to ameliorate
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Postby easy » Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:55 am

good posts everyone

coukd someone move this to members
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Postby black mamba » Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:02 am

perhaps the moderation team thinks we're talking about the madonna song
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