Does criminality appeal to you?

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in

Postby Grendel » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:36 pm

I was thinking about what it would take to counterfeit the authentication stickers on the packs of cigarettes/jars of weed and thought that it would be satisfying lifestyle.
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Postby light rail coyote » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:36 pm

i don't trust anyone without a criminal record
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Postby bro tones » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:37 pm

i follow no man's law
benj wrote:rest in peace luggii dead ass
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Postby Riverchrist » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:37 pm

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Postby Grendel » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:41 pm

I want to commit some crimes and get away with it.
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Postby bro tones » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:42 pm

hell ya
benj wrote:rest in peace luggii dead ass
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Postby bro tones » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:42 pm

premeditate crimes ITT
benj wrote:rest in peace luggii dead ass
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Postby Merciel » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:43 pm

I would like to casually be able to deal out violence without consequences to those who displease me, but other than that, no.

I don't think I want to be a criminal so much as a tyrannical dictator or possibly a supervillain.
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Postby WussWayne » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:44 pm

Doing crime gives me a rush. Yesterday I stole some grapes from my housemate and they've never tasted better.
don't drink. smoke weed instead
take effexor morning, mirtazapine at night religiously
get enough sleep
wake up, shower, have breakfast, make coffee, pack lunch, go.
use your planner then prep

fix your bike
see therapist
put yourself out there, forge healthy beneficial relationships but chill
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Postby Marza » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:50 pm

I've forged government identity documents in the past, because let's be honest, the fact that I can't prove who I am with an email/password is the real crime here.

all office clerks who tell me I need to ~print out~ the pdf phone bill instead of showing it to them on my phone should be behind bars.
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Postby bro tones » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:52 pm

Marza wrote:I've forged government identity documents in the past, because let's be honest, the fact that I can't prove who I am with an email/password is the real crime here.

all office clerks who tell me I need to ~print out~ the pdf phone bill instead of showing it to them on my phone should be behind bars.

had a similar problem trying to get a library card
benj wrote:rest in peace luggii dead ass
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Postby Marza » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:55 pm

"oh this bank statement is too old? whoops let me just go photoshop that for you real quick"

>B)
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Postby NegativeCapability » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:30 pm

I know for a fact I'd be an amazing criminal. Any type of crime. I'm detail-oriented, a meticulous planner, got a great memory, I already have some sociopathic tendencies, I'm a very convincing liar, I'm creative and got out of the box thinking, I'm not a minority and I'm a guy. I'd be a natural at this shit. Though living the life of a successful criminal is a pretty shit because besides having tons of cash you'll get paranoia about all kinds of shit, it gets pretty lonely, you'll be isolated in a giant house in bumfuck nowhere that's guarded by vicious dogs and baldheaded burly guys with goatees living with a barely legal drugged out dancer, you're fuckin fat and high on angel dust and can't even get fuckin hard anymore and the only shit that gets you off anymore is killing a person but after the third death even that becomes monotonous and you'll die of a heart attack at 55. Yeah it might be the most alternative life's path you can take and a fun, thrilling thing at first and you might even gain some notoriety or whatever but so what. At the end of the day it's just way too much work and a normal life is perfectly fine.
Back where I bong... behind my desk, changing the world. Using that giant brain to make some magic.
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Postby Milk » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:37 pm

^

Many years ago me and gf watched the Murder Channel all the time (ID) and it occurred to us that most of those criminal geniuses were in fact still pretty dumb and we started writing down how we would commit the perfect murder. Though i have to say the perfect murder definitely involves killing someone you have absolutely no link to whatsoever and it's of course not as satisfying as killing someone you don't like.

You also realise watching these that most cops, even detectives, are depressingly stupid. It's always like wow you'd have never caught that guy if they hadn't done this extremely dumb thing. And yet they'd be saying " he was incredibly smart". Like ok he had an IQ above 105-110 maybe.
Last edited by Milk on Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby mcwop23 » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:37 pm

being a white collar criminal in the olden days must have been easy as hell
wendy wrote:
colin meloy doesn't need to die
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Postby Merciel » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:40 pm

Milk wrote:And yet they'd be saying " he was incredibly smart". Like ok he had an IQ above 105-110 maybe.


I don't think most people realize how deeply stupid criminals are. We're conditioned to imagine like Professor Moriarty or Stringer Bell being all professional and organized, but in fact most criminals are just deeply, deeply dumb people. When you come across somebody who can formulate a coherent thought in complete sentences, and that thought is semi-tethered to reality, it's kind of amazing.
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Postby bro tones » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:45 pm

what on earth is the Murder Channel
benj wrote:rest in peace luggii dead ass
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Postby sympathy » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:49 pm

It used to but prison seems less and less appealing
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Postby terminus » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:49 pm

Criminality Appeals To Me 2
we gotta be normal, we can't be weird
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Postby high bias » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:51 pm

not at all. seems like almost everyone gets caught eventually, the rewards don't outweigh the risks, and i'm not exactly built for prison
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Postby high bias » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:53 pm

on the other hand, noir/neo-noir are maybe my favorite genres, so it definitely appeals to me on a voyeuristic/vicarious level
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Postby Milk » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:57 pm

Merciel wrote:
Milk wrote:And yet they'd be saying " he was incredibly smart". Like ok he had an IQ above 105-110 maybe.


I don't think most people realize how deeply stupid criminals are. We're conditioned to imagine like Professor Moriarty or Stringer Bell being all professional and organized, but in fact most criminals are just deeply, deeply dumb people. When you come across somebody who can formulate a coherent thought in complete sentences, and that thought is semi-tethered to reality, it's kind of amazing.



Yeah i now remember you saying that before. But then again I suppose one could say that the criminals you end up dealing with DID get caught so maybe there is some sort of confirmation bias? I mean definitely THE smartest criminals are the ones we will never ever hear about. The moment someone is making a show about you, you were probably not very smart.

probably the most frustrating thing watching these shows is how cops will really put all their eggs in the "most likely suspect" basket and by that i mean the one that statistics (probably usually backed by their own experience and history to be fair) tells them it usually is (say, the husband, the jilted ex, the co-worker with whom the victim had a turbulent relationship). They'll often be putting all their betting money on that pony pretty much it seems regardless of evidence and by the time they start opening their mind (if they ever do) to other people probably too much time has gone by and now they're not gonna pick up that trail. Then the story will end with something like... ten years later this guy gets picked up for some mild infraction, they print him and there's a match in the database for this past murder and wheeee, good job cops, you caught someone again on total luck.

That being said i do realise these shows don't tell you of the possibly thousands of cases where the murderer was handily caught because it WAS the most likely suspect. So, much like what i said above, maybe these shows are like a sort of confirmation bias too. They show you all the times the cops got it wrong from the get go but not all the times they might have got it right. Because that doesn't make for a good show. "yeah we came in, questioned the husband, he broke down and admitted everything after 2 minutes, case closed" *roll credits*
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Postby Milk » Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:58 pm

bro tones wrote:what on earth is the Murder Channel



Investigation Discovery. We call it the Murder Channel.
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Postby bro tones » Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:02 pm

i'm cool with that
benj wrote:rest in peace luggii dead ass
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Postby Ides of Smarch » Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:09 pm

the only laws worth following are the laws of physics
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Postby nite69 » Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:11 pm

Marza wrote:"oh this bank statement is too old? whoops let me just go photoshop that for you real quick"

>B)


this is my shit man. photoshopped some tickets to a theme park once, went off without a hitch. have photoshopped probably a dozen docs over the years

@fbi if u are reading this its a joke unless u are hiring modern forgery experts in which case, hello
sealed their fate wrote:The handwriting is already on the wall. These boys have been flushed.
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Postby hand foot and mouth disease » Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:12 pm

hell ya criminality appeals to me. gonna cheat at roulette in vegas where it's illegal
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Postby DasLofGang » Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:14 pm

the thing you did isn't the crime

the crime part is that you got caught doing it
You remind me of Don Knotts.
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Postby fizzle » Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:17 pm

Some of you have never spent the night in jail and it really shows
you got it dude
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Postby fizzle » Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:17 pm

:Not like “you” you but like the meme format:
you got it dude
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