Fruitless attempts at being cool in your childhood

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in

Postby Bernie » Mon Jul 15, 2019 9:16 pm

tricksforchips wrote:I lied about getting nipple rings one summer.


Did you at least try to tape some earrings on your nipples so it looked like you had them pierced through your shirt?
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Postby dvr » Mon Jul 15, 2019 9:19 pm

Viz wrote:I spent a lot of time at the local library when I was a kid. One time I was in there, when these three cool neighbourhood kids walked in. I wanted to impress them on "my turf" so I tried showing them where the "cool" books were like the Star Wars stuff and so on. They were actually kinda into it surprisingly, but we all got pretty loud and shit looking at these different cool books. The librarian of course came to where we were and told us to keep it down. Before she leaves, she smiles and looks at me and goes, "Hey Viz!". The other kids just stared and said, "She knows your name?"


this
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Postby seank37 » Tue Jul 16, 2019 1:26 am

Middle school, 1986. The Beastie Boys had just broke and there was a talent show coming up. My friends and I tried out as "The Loonie Boys". We learned the lyrics to Paul Revere, split up the parts, and tried out with that. We got into the talent show, but they told us we couldn't perform that song. We ended up writing a couple of originals and did those instead. The only one I remember was called "Old King Cole." The chorus was "Old King Cole was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he. The Loonie Boys, that's who we are. And the Loonie Boys we be." I had a whole outfit for this performance that I made my mom buy. I was Sean Ad-Rock, though I was dressed like Mike D. I wore that dumb hat everywhere. I was at an amusement park around that time, wearing that dumb hat, and I passed by some dudes and one of them said, "What are YOU supposed to be?"
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Postby saranclaps » Tue Jul 16, 2019 1:33 am

trying to pretend i saw the mummy returns and describing my favorite scene as something i saw in a magazine
Real Love wrote:every once in a while saranclaps will try to do a funny and it's an extremely off note but I'm not totally convinced he's aware of what is happening
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Postby chimp » Tue Jul 16, 2019 1:33 am

sounds cool honestly
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Postby Catullus » Tue Jul 16, 2019 1:42 am

The librarians at my local library not only knew me but would pick out books for me when I inevitably came in once a day over summer. I always won my age division for reading books over summer, which was a tower records gift certificate.

But I will forever be grateful to those librarians who pointed me in the direction of Margaret Atwood and Ray Bradbury and Ursula K Le Guin.
opi wrote:like i don't think it's possible for catullus to be duplicitous, whereas pretty much every other poster at the time struck me as having one foot in shinra
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Postby Buddy Knox » Tue Jul 16, 2019 1:56 am

In seventh grade I pretended to like Barenaked Ladies and even asked my mom to buy me Stunt just so I’d fit in. I listened to it about 50 times in one week just in case one of the kids in my class decided to interrogate me about it. What a chore. Of course it was all pointless anyway because I had just transferred from public K-6 to Catholic middle school and those kids were poison.
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Postby Milk » Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:56 am

This reminded me somehow of the time this cool and attractive girl in one of my class thought she needed to make a snide remark about my Pearl Jam t-shirt because she had been wearing the same for quite a while before i got mine and she scoffed and said something like "i bet you don't even know the lyrics to the songs" (this was when they only still had one record, Ten) and i was thinking "b, i could recite the whole record beginning to end right now which i doubt you could" but because i was ever meek i don't think i said anything and i just smiled stupidly and said nothing. The thing is i hadn't bought the shirt for this, i liked it and already listened to the band, BUT part of me had thought hey this cool girl will notice i have the same shirt and then maybe she'll see me differently and maybe she'll even talk to me but no, her take was that i was ruining what she liked by liking it too (or just trying to pretend i was cool), not that liking what she did made me cooler. Of course the fact that she reacted this way i now know means she wasn't cool at all.
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Postby Milk » Tue Jul 16, 2019 3:02 am

Of course one of the painful realisation of life is when it occurs to you (in your twenties usually) that you were really probably one of the coolest person in school in hindsight but because people's idea of cool and their false perceptions of you, you were just deemed some sort of loser nerd. On the other hand it's kind of a nice boost to your ego to realise this. You know these people are just condemened to a life of being lame-os. While...YOU....uh.....sit there alone in your shit apartment at 40....claiming...you were cooler than them?........ :|
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Postby sudokuthug » Tue Jul 16, 2019 5:28 am

lord forgive me for i have sinned

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Postby archaic » Tue Jul 16, 2019 7:43 am

The coolest outfit for guys at my middle school was wearing denim shorts with knee-high athletic socks that were then pushed down somewhat and bunched proportionately down your leg. The coolest guy in school, Lance Cooley, wore these and I mentally thought of them as "Cooley socks". Everybody wore them. I wore them. We were all cool. But then I moved across the state for the start of 8th grade and I had no conception that the fashion standards would change. I wore my Cooley socks to school the first week and noticed that nobody else was doing this. But rather than reassess I decided I was going to model the new cool look for the my classmates. This was a mistake, and the year ended with me attempting to wear Nine Inch Nails shirts and (unsuccessfully) fit in with the outcasts and burnouts in the school.
all of which are American dreams
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Postby RIXX » Tue Jul 16, 2019 7:47 am

sudokuthug wrote:lord forgive me for i have sinned

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were these geoff rowleys?
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Postby Debbie » Tue Jul 16, 2019 7:56 am

My mom bought me an all yellow outfit out of nowhere one day (my parents were perpetually broke so I wore dumb clothes most of the time) but like yellow shirt, yellow shorts, yellow socks and yellow Converse

I wore it and a bunch of kids said I looked cool so I spent 85% of that year looking like a fucking banana
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Postby tricksforchips » Tue Jul 16, 2019 8:12 am

Bernie wrote:
tricksforchips wrote:I lied about getting nipple rings one summer.


Did you at least try to tape some earrings on your nipples so it looked like you had them pierced through your shirt?

No I just told everyone my mom made me take them out for school.
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Postby dusky » Tue Jul 16, 2019 8:12 am

Denise wrote:My mom bought me an all yellow outfit out of nowhere one day (my parents were perpetually broke so I wore dumb clothes most of the time) but like yellow shirt, yellow shorts, yellow socks and yellow Converse

I wore it and a bunch of kids said I looked cool so I spent 85% of that year looking like a fucking banana


sounds pretty fruitful
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Postby Tetradyne » Tue Jul 16, 2019 11:11 am

I had the Vans TNT’s along with about two dozen others in my middle school. I had a CKY shirt and a CKY back pack that somehow backfired with this group of ill tempered bullies. It was all just punk rock from there until I got into trouble in high school and went through somewhat of an identity crisis. At one point I was just trying to look smart which in my head consisted of cardigan sweaters and button up shirts with dress pants. Someone said they liked my maroon cardigan once and I flipped them off because I still had an attitude I guess. After college I kinda had my first real breakdown and started dressing a lot like my dad. Haha.
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Postby pablito » Tue Jul 16, 2019 11:28 am

I called everyone’s wingtips in the men’s fashion thread on here “bitchmade” when i was 17
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Postby kit fox » Tue Jul 16, 2019 11:43 am

i know there are tons of these moments in my life but my brain wont let me access them. 6th - 10th grade was hell for me.
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Postby figaro » Tue Jul 16, 2019 11:45 am

who on this board was actually cool

i am interested in that
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Postby Eyeball Kid » Tue Jul 16, 2019 12:45 pm

I was never cool and I never tried to be cool. Is that, in a way, cool?
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Postby Riverchrist » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:07 pm

This phenomenon was never more perfectly and painfully illustrated than when the real rabbits asked whether he had hind legs and the velveteen rabbit answered “I’m sitting on them.”
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Postby VHB » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:17 pm

6th-7th grade are just the absolute worst aren't they
galactagogue wrote:i usually just assume no one is into me, it makes it easier to be myself.

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Postby came to wreck » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:22 pm

wore a black nike shirt, black nike shorts, black nike sandals and black nike socks but the socks were way too long on me so i decided it was smart to pull them down and tuck the long ass floppy toe under the foot when it was in the sandal, was a weird day at school walking around like that and def never tried that look again
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Postby bruceagain » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:24 pm

figaro wrote:who on this board was actually cool

i am interested in that

cool kids don't end up forum posters
The Internet is supposed to be fun. If you're not enjoying yourself, you can leave the forum forever and never look back.
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Postby came to wreck » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:24 pm

also had really bad acne in HS and one day i got fed up and borrowed a little bit of my moms makeup to cover it up. this slowly became part of my morning routine and i gradually used more and more to cover up the acne but then one day my friend in geometry was like "are you wearing makeup???" and that was the end of using makeup to cover the acne
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Postby bruceagain » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:26 pm

Eyeball Kid wrote:I was never cool and I never tried to be cool. Is that, in a way, cool?

Image
The Internet is supposed to be fun. If you're not enjoying yourself, you can leave the forum forever and never look back.
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Postby Buddy Knox » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:32 pm

bruceagain wrote:
figaro wrote:who on this board was actually cool

i am interested in that

cool kids don't end up forum posters


Beg your pardon?

https://www.oakleyforum.com/
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Postby came to wreck » Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:47 pm

lol i actually have an account and have made posts on the oakley forum
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Postby nautical hyperblast » Thu Jul 18, 2019 12:39 am

Image
i wanted this look so badly btw.
Image
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Postby LaAbeja » Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:48 am

dusky wrote:
Denise wrote:My mom bought me an all yellow outfit out of nowhere one day (my parents were perpetually broke so I wore dumb clothes most of the time) but like yellow shirt, yellow shorts, yellow socks and yellow Converse

I wore it and a bunch of kids said I looked cool so I spent 85% of that year looking like a fucking banana


sounds pretty fruitful

Jesus I just got this
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