let's have a bad time (tw: transactional exchange, cancer)

Let's talk hats

Postby Sissy Spacerock » Thu Oct 07, 2021 11:12 pm

reading is voluntary

desperation's got me door darkening

i haven't really used the Internet for anything other than file uploads and what remains of "google search" for a couple years now

things in a general sense have been rough but manageable

that's changed

my live-in ex has cancer

sudden, unexpected

we share a whole lot of bills and this is Not Good

trust that This would not be happening if this were not ʀᴇᴅ ᴀʟeᴙᴛ

more below

i hate myself, thank you
venmo @invisiblehandouts
cashapp $invisiblehandouts
+ any direct experience w/ treatment, outcomes, etc. that may be useful to pass along or for my own consideration is v welcome

this is all freshly set up and i don't know how any of it works outside of having used paypal for business years ago

(i have ha ha not been involved in a lot of payments lately)

i can also access a service called zelle if that's the way, but i'm kind of confused about how it works

Image

if i'm doing this wrong and you're feeling a helpful sort then do prod a dunce along

as i should hope would be apparent none of this is in any way comfortable or intuitive

and i very much failed to foresee this particular situational need

if i am in any way intruding on something more urgent then
no i'm not
i'm not even here

ok
again
thank you
Toggle Spoiler
















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"Explain yourself!"

(Don't Offend!)
(amiable, engaging)

big inhale go

so

yes

my ex has cancer

if you want to help me with this the relevant information is at the top there and you can skip the dodgy dissemblagio that follows

i do not encourage anyone to read any of this for any reason

(it exists to justify my presence)
(sorry)

sputtering inhale, shift to overexplanatory tone, Deep Shame

i'm broadly resentful of a circumstantial universe that has tempered in me
a need to disclose Fucking Any Of This to anyone at all

i have a deep personal drive to Resolve Issues in-house, and at prior points in life could silently and hatefully have eaten this

i do not currently possess that level of sway

i can't do it

it is not a possibility

nor is anything that approaches it

so

i'm gutted

just weeks ago

a positive for oral cancer

no risk factors, seemingly anomalous

"so young"

if a part of you that you don't really give much thought to suddenly Turned on you

gravely

despite no ill treatment

meaninglessness unrelenting

eating's different
speaking's different

constant wonders at the attribution of pain

energy lags

immediate dietary shifts, new jargon to embrace or reject

claptrap on bullshit on claptrap on bullshit on

endless hold queues

and i'm just the observer-helper
trying to be helper-observant

i'm not even going through it

enormous swaths of available life given over to feelings of total helplessness
in the face of various bureaucratic indifferences

grey-grim spreadsheet death

big big bills obscene with made-up numbers

and all you can do's hate a country that's designed not to help
and get eaten up more

everything around me is sharp endless sirens
and as of today
the house behind me is being loudly demolished,
following an abrupt over-asking-price waived inspection purchase

typical of our post-sensicality

and this has necessarily brought an end to my ability to Work
(such at is!)
for today

i don't know how many allegorical tragedies i'm living out right now

but the hand is heavy

and i am so fucking tired
Toggle Spoiler


NOTE: shamefacedly stared this one down for six pre-submission hours — i am the only ongoing demolitionToggle Spoiler


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Last edited by Sissy Spacerock on Sun Oct 31, 2021 4:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby angel eyes » Fri Oct 08, 2021 12:23 am

awww Sissy I’m so fuckin sorry. that’s such horrible news, my heart goes out to you. i’m having financial troubles of my own right now, like so many people are, but i will help if I can and I hope some others can help too.
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Postby angel eyes » Fri Oct 08, 2021 12:25 am

PayPal says “sorry this recipient can’t accept payments right now”? Might wanna check on that
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Postby Wilderness » Fri Oct 08, 2021 12:26 am

yeah, I got the same message on paypal
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Postby angel eyes » Fri Oct 08, 2021 12:31 am

Venmo worked fine tho!
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Postby traced out » Fri Oct 08, 2021 12:54 am

i'm sorry, sissy. i hope they'll be in good health when treatment is through.

lemme know if you get the paypal issue resolved
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Postby New Improved Alaska » Fri Oct 08, 2021 12:58 am

traced out wrote:i'm sorry, sissy. i hope they'll be in good health when treatment is through.


Yeah
alaska1 wrote:I always look to something new amazing for more pleasure.
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Postby maraschino cherry » Fri Oct 08, 2021 1:18 am

hi sissy, i don’t know you very well but this sounds very very difficult and i’m sorry that it’s happening

it’s good to see you, i wish it was in different circumstances, i often miss reading your thoughts
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Postby jeweled tortoise » Fri Oct 08, 2021 2:02 am

New Improved Alaska wrote:
traced out wrote:i'm sorry, sissy. i hope they'll be in good health when treatment is through.


Yeah
virile wrote:have fun with your discourse bud!
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Postby winjer » Fri Oct 08, 2021 3:46 am

sending love and luck sissy. you’ve been missed
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Postby polybius » Fri Oct 08, 2021 11:00 am

bump
  
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Postby polybius » Fri Oct 08, 2021 11:01 am

if I don't see this stickied by the end of the day I'm going to raise hell, I am not joking
  
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Postby The Protoplasm Kid » Fri Oct 08, 2021 1:31 pm

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Postby The Protoplasm Kid » Fri Oct 08, 2021 1:33 pm

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sending u love and the little $$ i can !Toggle Spoiler
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Postby The Protoplasm Kid » Fri Oct 08, 2021 1:33 pm

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Postby The Protoplasm Kid » Fri Oct 08, 2021 1:33 pm

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Postby auspice » Fri Oct 08, 2021 1:40 pm

hey sissy, really sorry you aren't back on HPN for happy reasons. not much else I can say, that's a horrid situation you're in.
Joker wrote:"I'm pooping and peeing and I love it!"

- Poop & Pee Magazine
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Postby angel eyes » Fri Oct 08, 2021 9:34 pm

bump
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Postby mcwop23 » Fri Oct 08, 2021 9:42 pm

sorry to hear sissy
wendy wrote:
colin meloy doesn't need to die
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Postby came to wreck » Fri Oct 08, 2021 9:46 pm

I’m so sorry sissy. I’ve missed your presence. Just venmo’d
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Postby Actor Jason P » Fri Oct 08, 2021 9:47 pm

I'll pin but we're running out of room here we might need an index
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Postby virtuous » Sat Oct 09, 2021 6:46 am

Sent something. Sorry this is happening.
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Postby Annie May » Sat Oct 09, 2021 11:49 am

Sent you a little, will send more once i get paid. Hoping for the best sissy.
I forgot all my songs
The words now are wrong
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Postby darger » Sat Oct 09, 2021 3:41 pm

bump
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Postby razzle » Sat Oct 09, 2021 4:28 pm

Sent a little. Sorry to hear.
At least we have
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Postby razzle » Sat Oct 09, 2021 4:30 pm

Double
At least we have
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Postby deadbass » Sat Oct 09, 2021 5:14 pm

i'm also getting the paypal "Sorry, this recipient can't accept payments right now" message. I'll try again in a bit. Sorry this is happening Sissy
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Postby virile » Sat Oct 09, 2021 10:05 pm

dear sassy spicerack i am very sorry to hear this and i love you but i am very poor sir but i love you and i hope your bad time gets better soon
mercenaries of slime wrote:or i can just post what i want
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Postby delgriffith » Sun Oct 10, 2021 8:32 am

maraschino cherry wrote:hi sissy, i don’t know you very well but this sounds very very difficult and i’m sorry that it’s happening

it’s good to see you, i wish it was in different circumstances, i often miss reading your thoughts

same

will send what i can through venmo, i'm so sorry you're going through this :(
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Postby Autarch » Sun Oct 10, 2021 10:33 am

<3 I’m sorry, sissy. Will venmo.
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